In This Silence is the Beginning

 

Precisely because a human being has the ability to speak, for this very reason the ability to keep silent is an art...
In this silence is the beginning, which is first to seek God's kingdom...
The beginning is not that with which one begins but it is that to which one comes, and one comes to it backward. Beginning is this art of becoming silent, for there is no art in keeping silent as nature is.

- Søren Kierkegaard

I write and think a lot about what it means to be silent, taking moments of quiet and contemplation. I seek to carve out meditative moments amidst the rush of busy days. It's been a bit of a life study for me and how much it contrasts with the busy world, and yet, mingles with it at the same time. But why does it matter, I hear people ask. Who cares as long as I am happy, they say. I don't like quiet, I despise silence, I hear people state. But then I see how their lives are tossed around like a choppy ocean.

When I wake up to a beautiful, chilly morning and look out my windows my heart soars into the pale twilight sky that is slowly awakening. I just ponder the wonder of it all in silence, and think of how science cannot explain this wonder. I ponder how anyone could gaze out at the same scene and think that it is all by random chance, or has no purpose or meaning.

Science explains some of what we observe and summarizes the ways this or that works. The study of nature often astounds even scientists, leaving them in wonder. So how do we explain the wonder? What about the mystery? And the strangeness of things?

The kinds of mysteries we will not be able to explain cannot be bifurcated into pieces to cut and analyze. These wonders are works of God's creation we may not be able to explain, for if we could, we would be like God, and that is not possible. Part of the beauty of life is the wonder and mystery. 

Silence holds the space for wonder and mystery.

If all we had were known facts. If nothing was unknown or mysterious (meaning we had nothing to research, nothing to ponder, nothing to dig into, nothing to learn). If every single thing was explained and had no mystery to it - this would not be a world I would want to live in. Part of the nature given to us as humans is to learn and seek out the mysteries of creation and have questions. To be curious. To learn and grow. This is a gift of being human, and not a god.

Silence allows the space for ponderings and questions to float to the surface and be raised to the Creator.

The way God created us was to have questions. Those questions should draw us closer to Him (to be sure, what He wants all along is closeness with us, personally). For if we ask Him something, we lean in closer to listen or to pay attention to what He might reveal. It's the leaning in part that is important. That little bit of effort we give to meet God over the void, and notice that all along He has been leaning close to us.

Thereafter, we might get a glimpse, a whisper, or silence. Sometimes there is no immediate answer and for good reason we cannot see anything yet. If our desire aligns with God's desire for us, we will have the answer we need exactly when we need it. If we continue to seek the answers only within ourselves, selfishly seeking what we want because it makes us feel good, that path might not align with God's desire for us and we may not feel like anything is being answered because we are leaning in a different direction.

So we come back to the silent moments. The soft, still moments where we can let go of the worldly notions that take our attention away from eternal things, like seeking God's kingdom. We are too easily distracted, too easily pleased (as C.S. Lewis wrote (to paraphrase) - we become far too easily pleased, as our desires are not too strong, but too weak. We end up playing in the mud missing out on the holiday at sea - the glory God has in store for us). We often don't even know the glories that God is wanting for us, being too satisfied with our narrow selves. 

Silence is standing in awe at the view of dawn and asking God...