That Book on the Table

 

That book on the table - don't leave home without it. Don't let your feet depart your home without a book in your bag. That's my simple motto. Maybe I don't get to read it, but maybe I will. Waiting for someone to arrive to meet you? Read. Grabbing a coffee or meal on your own? Read. 

This January has been glorious for my winter-loving heart. I am sad to see the month come to its end. The cold, crisp days, and dry air that makes you feel alive and like you want to take a good, long walk. The sun is welcomed to warm the air and a jacket is needed. Warm drinks are enjoyed most often. You look for reasons to be outside, no sweating as you step out. The sky is crisp blue.  High cirrus clouds are wisps of ice crystals streaking across the sky. Venus shines brightly in the sky after sunset. Jupiter has been showing up as well. Blankets are needed and add a cosiness to your evening. 

I could go on and on in my (probably unpopular) opinion, but I didn't even mention the perfect environment to read lots of books! I am reading The Way of a Pilgrim, a collection of tales by an unknown pilgrim, discovered in 1884 in Russia. There has been a lot of speculation about who the pilgrim was. The tales are told through the eyes of this wandering Russian Orthodox pilgrim, who is on his way on a lifelong journey. It's warming tales of simple joys, suffering, then comfort, mistreatment encountered in the world, then some relief and glory to God. Meeting kind strangers on the road. Being offered bread for the journey. The ideas throughout the book circle around prayer and consistent prayer - praying at all times. What does that look like? The pilgrim wonders this and wanders asking this of everyone he meets. The pilgrim says the Jesus Prayer all day until he is breathing it like it's as natural in his daily habits as his walking from place to place each day. 

I grew so used to the prayer of the heart that I practised it without ceasing, and finally I felt that the prayer was functioning entirely of its own accord and repeating itself in my mind and heart without any effort on my part, not only when I was awake, but also in my sleep, so that nothing interrupted it for even a second, no matter what I was doing. My soul praised God continuously and my heart overflowed with unceasing joy.

The book is spiritual guidance in a gentle way, showing dependence on God we can scarcely imagine today. The only thing we can truly rely on is God, and His love and grace towards us that we don't deserve. He finds this out in multiple ways as he journeys through various trials. He loses his precious books as they are stolen from him. After a time of mourning, he stumbles across the thieves and gets his books back. He learnt in the meantime not to rely on the books for his devotions. Do we stay faithful when things are rough? Are we keeping our eyes fixed on the Lord? When we don't have answers? When we feel alone?

This book is encouragement for the road we are all on, in different places and levels of understanding. We will never fully understand. But faith leads us to trust in the Lord, whose ways are higher than ours.

The monk continued to persuade me that the very words of the Gospels contained a beneficial power, since they recorded what God Himself had said, "You don't need to understand, you must simply read diligently. According to one saint, you might not understand the Word of God but the demons do and they tremble with fear..."

January Days

 

The cold earth slept below;

         Above the cold sky shone;

                And all around,

                With a chilling sound,

From caves of ice and fields of snow

The breath of night like death did flow

                Beneath the sinking moon.

(Percy Bysshe Shelley)

I wake up to the cold air - undeniably wintry in the 30s. Blankets on my bed keep me cosy all night, but getting out of those warm covers seems a daunting task. But! These are the Winter days so rare around these southern parts. We don't have caves of ice and fields of snow, but we sure do have a cold earth sleeping below the cold sky. In all Shelley's beautiful words there underneath is a dreaded feeling, like death on the breath of night. His life was tragic and in opposition to the beauty that life had to offer, yet somehow he was able to create such beauty through his words that can often trace in their sources back to the source of all, God. He may have rejected God in his own rebellious ideas yet I can't help but appreciate his talent and use of language. He may have seen some wintry night as dreadful and bitter, set out under the moon to visit. That may be how many people feel when it is bitterly cold and icy. When there seems to be no end to the darkened days. 

When the sun has shone these recent days, it hasn't warmed the land. The air still holds onto that icy blast from the north, and I delight in it. The difference of season, the utter relish of inspired cold that sets my mind to all the creative things. Poems pop into my head, words and ideas spring up like blooms shedding bulbs, and I seek to be outside with nature in this change of weather. Colder, much colder than usual. This kind of weather always splits me into two - one part of me wants to be outside on walks letting this cold sink into me as I explore and see the world with fresh eyes (once a summer zone now a winter wonder) letting my mind wander as my feet wander, and the other part of me wants to sit with a cup of coffee/tea donning a thick sweater to write novels and stories, poems, and discourses on the weather or stories related to my inspired state.

Every true artist does feel, consciously or unconsciously, that he is touching transcendental truths; that his images are shadows of things seen through the veil. In other words, the natural mystic does know that there is something there; something behind the clouds or within the trees; but he believes that the pursuit of beauty is the way to find it; that imagination is a sort of incantation that can call it up. 
(The Everlasting Man)

I read G.K. Chesterton's The Everlasting Man every morning with my coffee and warm porridge. I am getting close to finishing it now. A re-read of this was essential and I am enjoying it so much. He tells the story/history of all mankind through the lens of the Christian story, the ultimate Story. He reminds us that we don't know the details of prehistoric man, as they were pre-history. The myths and pagan ideas of early history all unfold, manifested in a worship of nature. The hopelessness of fallen civilizations from Troy to Carthage lead up to the strangest story in the world. Jesus was not just a teacher, for those who claim Christianity is like the other religions. Not the case. None of the other heads of religions like Buddha or Mohammed claimed to be God. Jesus does. He turns everything upside down in our world. He is either a lunatic, or God incarnate. It's the strangest story of all. All the old myths, new myths, fairytales, etc are not pagan, but Christian. As Chesterton writes, the world of Peter Pan doesn't belong to the world of Pan, but the world of Peter.

That is the paradox; everything that is merely approaching to that point is merely receding from it. Socrates, the wisest man, knows that he knows nothing. A lunatic may think he is omniscience, and a fool may talk as if he were omniscient. But Christ is in another sense omniscient if he not only knows, but knows that he knows...
This is where it was a fulfillment of the myths rather than of the philosophies; it is a journey with a goal and an object, like Jason going to find the Golden Fleece, or Hercules the golden apples of the Hesperides. The gold that he was seeking was death. The primary thing he was going to do was to die. 
(The Everlasting Man)

It all leads to purpose fulfilled, the story isn't an aimless wandering around. It is the embrace of ultimate sacrifice. What a joy - we get to be (undeservedly) part of this divine purpose. 

About Trees

 

Visiting the much-loved spot - Sarasota Bayfront Park, to view the water, downtown, and the big, old trees. Many were lost when Hurricane Milton came onshore very close by. The tree population looked sparser than ever. Banyan, Oak, Palm. But to see many of these huge trees still standing was a joy. They weathered the storm, their roots are deep. They creaked and swayed with well over 100 mph winds but stood firmly holding their ground.

My Dad's mighty oak. The oak tree planted not long after my Dad passed away has grown into a mighty tall tree. I visit it anytime I am back in my hometown. Standing just a couple blocks from Venice Beach, it also weathered Hurricane Milton and stands firm. We went to visit dear friends, who had a plaque made at the tree, for anyone to know that this tree was planted in my Dad's honor/memory. It felt so special to be there for its unveiling. 

The oak was the mighty giant, who held the ball moon in goblet fingers. (John Lewis-Stempel)

To say that I have a thing for trees would be fully accurate and not a recent purview. It has been something in me since childhood, always there. If you know me, you know I am always interested in learning about, reading about, encountering, venturing to trees. 

We can place the blame on my Dad, for he was bit of a tree lover, and he knew a lot about trees (being in the lawn maintenance field with his business). His father was in the U.S. Forestry Service, so my Dad spent much of his childhood traveling around the country with his family going to all the forests for his father's work. Moving forward in time, on all our family vacations, we would hike in nature. It was a staple of all our adventures no matter where we went (New England, out West, North Carolina, Georgia, etc). There was one particular giant tree in North Carolina we would hike to on every visit every year. I can't tell you how many times I've hiked to that giant tree, and I loved it every time. Shuffling our feet through fallen leaves, bundled up in puffy coats and gloves. The excitement of arriving at such a tall, giant with massive trunk sitting there in the middle of the forest was always mysterious and magical to me. 

I would think of the lifespan of trees. When I learned how old trees were, some being over 100 - 150 years old, I remember feeling astonished, imagining my limited timeline in history, how the tree was there back in the 1800s. How much has happened in the world in that time? It set my mind to wondering. The tree was there to witness it. That seemed ancient to my young mind. Growing up in the U.S. things just weren't that old. Anything over 100 years old was practically ancient. 

I see your knuckles hard and strong,
But have no fear they'll come to blows;
Your life is long, and mine is short,
But which has known the greater woes?

(W.H. Davies)

Oak trees have been essential to humanity and our explorations and building - the first ships to go to the isle of Britain (the Angles, the Saxons, the Norse) were longboats made of oak. The oak timber built the strongest frames for houses and great buildings in Britain - it actually gets tougher as it ages. It never bows and can stand for a thousand years. It was why churches and great halls used oak.

It wasn't that Dad ever recited poetry about trees, but it was the way he knew about them, recognized them, noticed them, and respected them. He knew them as an asset, valuable for our lives here. As a lover of nature, hiking, camping, being outside, his appreciation of all these things was so evident it was naturally distilled into me growing up. I always had an appreciation for such things as well. I mean, we took family vacations to see my grandma in North Carolina every Oct/Nov so we could see the trees and their leaves shift to yellows, reds, and oranges and experience something so different from Florida's nature. Those memories and my love of leaf-looking deeply influenced my love of trees, seasons, and travel.   

To lie by day in thy green shade,
And in thy hollow rest at night;
And through the open doorways see
The stars turn over leaves of light.
(W.H. Davies)

I love looking up through the branches and leaves of a tree. Contrasting with the sky above it takes you out of your own self for a moment, to see what is much bigger (and maybe much older) than you. I suppose the leaves I usually peruse most often are leaves of books (made of trees). They are intertwined like elements of nature. J.R.R. Tolkien was a bit of a tree lover himself, and he created the Ents, walking/talking trees as creatures in Middle-earth, and they were inspired by oaks. I called Dad "Treebeard" as the leader of the Ents as a joke and it stuck. He probably thought his cooky daughter was just caught up in her crazy imagination again. Maybe a little bit, but it was my way of complimenting his sturdy, solid heart, dependable nature, like that of an oak.

Winter and Bookish Goals

 

Happy 2025! I hope this new year has treated you well and you're feeling a good start to the best month of the year, in my opinion. Here's why:

Winter goals

Winter is here and I could not be more delighted! These are the days I dream about all year. I know, call me crazy. In fact, when I woke up a few days ago and it was 36 degrees Fahrenheit, I promptly sat down at my desk and wrote this poem (after I put on a sweater and made a cup of coffee of course):

Oh! wake the morning frosty cold -
If I may be so bold
I don't have to be told
That the glorious Winter is here
In an air so crisp and clear
With the dawn and sun near
My heart awakens to wonder
It sets my mind to ponder
And encourages my feet to wander.
With nicks of cold at my face
I call it a blessing and grace
To enjoy cold walks in this place.

To say I enjoy the cold weather is a bit of an understatement - saying that probably results in some glares. Certainly it's the unpopular opinion. But hey, we all have things that we like that others don't. And everyone who knows me well, knows that I am smiling without even trying on cold days that are accompanied by a greyscale sky. Ahh, yes, it's the perfect combination to get to work with reading and getting cosy with coffee/tea! Which leads to my next point: 

Bookish goals

I don't set book goals for myself. I want to read at my leisure as much as I want and not feel pressure to hit a certain number. I read a lot, so I am not concerned that I won't read "enough". Plus, I sometimes read very long books that take a lot of time, effort, and pages to get through, yet it still only counts as one. I feel a bit of the Legolas and Gimli competition in The Lord of the Rings, when Legolas and he are in a competitive game of keeping track of their numbers as they kill Orcs during the siege at Minas Tirith, when Legolas takes down a huge elephant with all the deadly men on top, taking them all out,  Gimli sees it and shouts "that still only counts as one!"

I read 82 books in 2024. It's a bit astounding to me because January - March I was studying full time (all my spare time outside of work) for my big exam I took in March, so that took out a lot of reading time.

My longest and shorted books:

Some of my top books from new reads this year (not including any re-reads):

I keep coming back to this beautiful collection of the Psalms, written in lyric poems by the brother-sister Mary and Philip Sidney. Extremely talented poets in their English Renaissance time (1580s). These Psalms were passed around in manuscript before they were officially published in the19th century, and praised by John Donne and George Herbert, arguably two of the best poets. The way they work with language is worthy of study of what good poetry is, such as:
The sacrifices sacrify
Of just desires, on justice stayed
Trust in that Lord that cannot lie.
Indeed full many folks have said,
'From whence shall come to us such aid?'

Simone Weil was an amazing, brave French Christian philosopher who died so young during WWII (she joined the suffering and starved). This is a book of spiritual wisdom, left in notebooks that were published after her death. They are short snippets of insights that one can ponder for years, such as:
"God could create only by hiding himself. Otherwise there would be nothing but himself. Holiness should then be hidden too, even from consciousness in a certain measure. And it should be hidden in the world."

A new book that came out about Tolkien's Catholic faith by Holly Ordway. I loved learning more about how devoted he was, and how he incorporated his faith in his life, especially life in Oxford including conversations and experiences he had with others. His faith is not much talked about, as he didn't write "theology books" even though this study shows so clearly how infused his faith is in all his writings, so I deeply enjoyed this book for more depth and appreciation of Tolkien.

How have I not read this biography before now? Don't ask me. It was sitting on my shelf when I purchased a used hardback from Blackwell's probably 8 years ago. I picked it up and realized I had not read it, and got to it right away With Hooper and Green's personal stories and relationship with Lewis, this was hugely enjoyable and insightful on Lewis's life, especially in Oxford.

A different way of looking at saving and spending (for retirement) - why wait until you are too old to enjoy life or gift to your children? Do it now, while you can, when you can enjoy it and when your children are younger and can use and enjoy it, with the caveat to be sure your retirement is set-up for goals needed first. Really good fodder for having financial conversations. Build up memory dividends that will pay out to you the rest of your life.

Fascinating journey around the world visiting abandoned places, natural and man-made, leftover from wars, disasters, or left behind for other reasons. Forbidden places. Haunted places. Places where humans no longer live. How has nature taken over? What can we learn from these places? Full of interesting encounters with places humans dare to go.

A purposefully offline journal, only available in print. Essays old and new. Thought-provoking and topically curated. I love these beautiful hardback journals - there are four out so far. I have two of them. I thoroughly enjoyed reading this every morning.

Ending and Beginning

 

Rising on the last day of the year, and rising on the first day of the year encourages some reflection. Thankfulness always rises to the top with each year, reflecting on the blessings that I did not deserve, and to me I feel that to those who receive much, much is required. Meaning, I feel the responsibility to use my gifts well, for good. To hopefully do good, create good, and be a blessing to someone, even if only in a small way. As always, during Advent and Christmas I read the poetry anthology from Malcolm Guite Waiting on the Word. Somehow I am enjoying it even more than previous years, and I ask myself why. I realize that I have felt less stressed and anxious this year. I take in moments and appreciate them, noticing the details of a moment. Taking a moment to linger. When I allow myself that space I am filled with peace and calm. Giving myself that clarity of time to ponder. To let words sink in, perhaps as if for the first time.

The poem for the last day of the year was Thomas Hardy's "The Darkling Thrush", and it's a beautiful year end reflection on the gloom of the world suddenly turned by the sing-song of a Thrush choosing to "fling his soul upon the growing gloom". Oh, so beautiful, I love that. I will aim to fling myself upon the growing gloom everyday.

Against the darkness this Thrush sings, when the frost is "spectre-grey" and the land has features that resemble "His crypt the cloudy canopy, the wind his death-lament".  Infinite hopelessness. No germ of bloom to come or light to shine. It's a desolate feeling of dread and gloom at the end of the year (Hardy wrote this poem on December 31, 1900).

But then the song is heard, and the final stanza-

So little cause for carolings
of such ecstatic sound
Was written on terrestrial things
Afar or nigh around,
That I could think there trembled through
His happy good-night air
Some blessed Hope, whereof he knew
And I was unaware. 

To Hardy, who turned his back on faith, this is even more hopeful. As he catches a glimpse of joy amidst dark gloom you can't help but wonder if he followed that trail of light to see Christ as the source of all joy and truth. The hope reflects that joy - when one can be filled with joy even whilst dwelling in darkness, grief, or gloom. The joy with Christ is not dependent on any of those things of the world. It dwells within us through all things - it is the darkling Thrush that never stops singing the tune of the heavenly realm we often block ourselves from hearing/seeing. It's there, but do we choose to not to attend to it, only seeing the dead year, the dread and threat, and completely ignore the light that sits there singing amidst it all, knowing that what is right there is not all there is. There is more beyond what we can see. Much more is around us - song and presence. Do we not entertain angels unaware? Lingering in the mist, near the cracks of gloom, all is riven to the glory of God, hidden from those who will not see, who choose not to see.

Welcome 2025!