"Where was it," Raskolnikov thought as he walked on, "where was it that I read about a man condemned to death saying or thinking, an hour before his death, that if he had to live somewhere high up on a cliffside, on a ledge so narrow that there was room only for his two feet - and with the abyss, the ocean, eternal darkness, eternal solitude, eternal storm all around him - and had to stay like that, on a square foot of space, an entire lifetime, a thousand years, an eternity - it would be better to live so than to die right now! Only to live, to live, to live! To live, no matter how - only to live!....How true! Lord, how true! Man is a scoundrel! And he's a scoundrel who calls himself a scoundrel for that,' he added in a moment. (pg.150)
I finished my re-read of Crime and Punishment this week and I love it even more than the first time reading. Partly, I think I am a better and deeper reader than I was many years ago when I first read it, and I think this is the kind of book that warrants re-reading. It is even better with another reading. And I will read it again, no doubt, in a couple years.
I am no Dostoevsky scholar, but he is genius with characters. Getting into the depths of their minds and struggles. Of course, we are in Russia (Petersburg), and this book was first published in 1866. We follow in the innerworkings of the young man, Raskolnikov, a student who has fallen into some deeply troubled mindsets as he digs himself deeper into a hopeless mental illness. He has morals that counter his illness, as he cares deeply for people who are mistreated, wanting to rectify that and help them. He believes and convinces himself that he should take justice into his own hands. He feels he has the right to murder an old woman who schemes people with her pawning business.
...devote yourself to the service of all mankind and the common cause: what do you think, wouldn't thousands of good deeds make up for one tiny little crime? For one life, thousands of lives saved from decay and corruption. One death for hundreds of lives - it's simple arithmetic! (pg. 62)
Raskolnikov believes in duty and conscience. He thinks it's his social duty to take one life for the betterment of the general public. He feels justified in his actions, and spends the next 400+ pages grappling through that, going through madness, illness, suffering, questioning, challenging conversations with others. Developing deeper relationships that explore these moral questions and challenge his ideas. Getting to know Sonya, who leads a virtuous life and who is patient with him as he goes through periods of madness; she is the one who can speak truth that plants a seed in him. He thinks he got away with his crime, but the police are on his trail. They know it was him, and they wait for him to confess. Will he confess, and take on the responsibility and punishment for his crime, or will he deny it and place himself in the throes of the justice courts?
He was ashamed precisely because he, Raskolnikov, had perished so blindly, hopelessly, vainly, and stupidly, by some sort of decree of blind fate, and had to reconcile himself and submit to the 'meaninglessness' of such a decree if he wanted to find at least some peace for himself. (pg. 515)
This book. It stays with you. You feel for the characters. The ending is so good, so good. I won't spoil it by noting it here, you must read it for yourself.
