12 July 2016

Deeper Prayer

I haven't any language weak enough to depict the weakness of my spiritual life. If I weakened it enough it would cease to be language at all. As when you try to turn the gas-ring a little lower still, and it merely goes out.
 - C.S. Lewis

Lord have mercy.
Lord show me grace.

I am weak in prayer. I know I do not pray as much as I would hope to or say I will do. A work in progress, I am. I do not devote enough time to sitting thoughtfully devoted in prayer. Eyes closed, Mind clear. Focused on You in a quiet state. To bring all my thoughts, worries, questions, and doubts to You would help so much, and yet it seems to be always on my to do list, and not always getting done. 

How can this be? How can I draw closer to You if I don't talk with You? If I ignore the urges when the time isn't convenient, like in the middle of an email or making dinner. But really, what could be more important in this world, than connecting with my Creator?

It is the thing we all struggle with - prayer. As I ponder why, I know part of the answer is that we are far to easily distracted by the whirlwind that this world likes to catch us in. and we give in far to easily. I am comforted to read C.S. Lewis' own struggle with spiritual life, when he was described as the most deeply converted man (his book Letters to Malcolm: Chiefly on Prayer is on my list to read again). I am not alone in this.

I want to bring everything on my heart to God, to lay it at His feet, and be immersed in His presence of comfort and wisdom. I know full well that if I don't give these things to God, I will keep them within myself where they will fester and become embittered.

But to be free and full of joy no matter what is given is the language of prayer. 

This is, I pray, what I come to know more, as I let the distractions fall away (along with all the comparisons), so the truth can break through the cloud that forms around me. I pray that Your grace envelopes me so that through my speech and actions I give glory to You, and encourage others to draw close to You as well, seeking wisdom from above, rather than from the world.

When thoughts arise  out of nowhere that declare despair and darkness, stop me in my tracks, guiding me back to see the light or truth, grace, love, and faith. It is from You, Lord, that all eternal wisdom comes.

Blessed be He.

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