Morning Reprieve

A morning reprieve
Is it safe to leave

To return to the bustle

Of the day waiting?

I am reluctant to enter

For here I am centered

And I know the world

Wants to tip me over.

Lord, please pour into me

Fullness of joy in simplicity

So in man's complexities

I am resilient.

No Words Fall

And Samuel grew, and the Lord was with him and let none of his words fall to the ground.
-1 Samuel 3.19

The words we use in speech and writing everyday creates a wordpile. Yes, we choose our words. Do we select them with care and thought? Or do we blurt out whatever comes to mind?

Sometimes it is challenging to be a thoughtful talker when the words just flow out of anger, frustration, or excitement. But sometimes we withhold our words appropriately until the proper time, and then select the words with care, and healing comes. Encouragement follows.

I am a pretty quiet person by nature, so I tend to talk less than most people. I write more than I talk. But even I have trouble selecting words that fit the occasion sometimes. Regret always follows, and silent interior reprimands ensue.

We are given the gift of words. We have so many to choose from, so why don't we choose words that don't fall to the ground, worthy only of being trampled on, but instead use words to mull over, embrace, teach and encourage. Even a few jokes can do that.

Haiti Mission

Another gift from my brother, brought back from Haiti

Can a little sister be proud of her big brother? Absolutely! Jason and the group from his church leave early in the morning for Haiti. When a loved one goes to a third world country, you get to see, through them, the perspective of the people there. The selflessness of the group going is inspiring. Not everyone can go on mission trips, of course, but right here, how can I do better to spread God's love in a way that impacts lives?

It grips me each time I see my brother's pictures and hear the stories about attending church there. They live in such poverty and yet captured in the pictures are faces of joy that comes from knowing God. They sing and dance in church as if there is a heavenly audience in attendance (I am sure there is). While many of us probably catch ourselves planning the rest of the day in our heads during a sermon, the churches in Haiti keep on praising God, for 3 hours. In a small building crowded with people. With no A/C. In the heat and humidity of the tropics.

Cultures are different across the globe, but the perspective of a mission trip brings to light priorities in life. It is probably pretty obvious to others what your priorities are. What do they see?

Dominoes

John answered, "A person cannot receive even one thing unless it is given him from heaven."
 -John 3.27

So, even though my soul may desire something specific to happen, I remind myself that what I have now is a gift, but God has the perfect timing for everything, and if it is meant to be, God will provide the opportunity. It will be at a place where it is obvious.

Yet that time hasn't come, and another task is at hand. To use this season of life. Don't waste a day. Don't get caught day dreaming about what could be, but instead, praise God daily for what is.

Just like we should not live in the past, we should not try to live in the future either. God is moving pieces into place. The rows of dominoes stacked close. But there are gaps here and there, where God is still at work before it is ready, and if a catalyst begins the domino train, it will stop prematurely at the gap. It won't be able to fulfill its full purpose.

Something good at the wrong time, is the wrong thing. Let that enter your train of thought for a minute or two.

If it's not set-up correctly, the dominoes will not fall into place as they are meant to, and we are back at square one, picking up the pieces. Let God work through you. Stop trying to make everything happen when you want. Let God place the pieces and provide the catalyst to start the dominoes.

Free to Go

Like a flood these rush of emotions come
Side-swiping me and leaving me numb

Left alone I get caught in the cleft

I succumb to sadness about what's left

In a sea, darkened, murky to peruse

I lose sight of what skills to use

All I can see is the sunrise glow

As the current glides away, letting me go

And I am adrift, in new thoughts deep

Wondering why I don't rest in sleep

It's a cycle we know, dressed in fear

Keeping us from seeing our faith clear

But as piercing as the morn can be

Only the Son of God can set us free

Live Unanswered Questions

The Bridge of Sighs, Oxford

Christ offered a bridge over the gap I felt, sitting there on the floor, between my self and my own soul. Between my God and me. I wanted to know God and to be known by Him- a relationship so intimate that there was no space between Him and my soul. -Carolyn Weber

I am so full of unanswered questions. Almost every aspect of my life is made up of questions that are waiting to receive an answer.
I finished reading Surprised by Oxford on my day off last Monday. It was a refreshing day, so I had my sliding glass door open all day, allowing in the chilled air from the north. My feet got cold as I read, so I put on my cool crochet slipper boots, and pulled on my Oxford University sweatshirt. Appropriate, I thought, since I am now concluding this book about a girl discovering God in Oxford while studying literature.

sit finis libri, non finis quaerendi

(Latin) Thomas Merton- "Let this be the ending of the book but by no means the end of the searching."

I am so sad to have finished reading this book. 440 pages was not enough. It makes me think of C.S. Lewis when he said, "you can't get a cup of tea big enough or a book long enough to suit me". This book is so inspiring to me, in many ways. It's not too shocking that one of my dreams is to study and live in Oxford, and this book is her journey through her first year as a literature grad student, which is what I would most desire to be as well. Her view as a North American parallels my own experiences in England, as she adjusts to the ways of the Brits. The language barrier from English to English is even a challenge. For instance, if someone asked you for a tuppence, you would have no idea what they wanted, right? They want two pence (or two cents). Or the street signs that can be confusing when you first encounter them. Or driving on the other side of the road (it messes with your head when you are first getting used to it).

I have been to many places in Oxford, but she goes to places I dream of going to. Like the reading room in the Radcliffe Camera, or freely walking about in the Duke Humphrey's Library (the oldest part of the Bodleian). You have to be a student to roam these places on your own. Other places, such as inside the colleges themselves, I only dream about exploring. Walks along the rivers and meadows. Chapels and cathedrals. Pubs and coffee shops. Reciting poetry from her classes throughout the writing. Connecting with new friends, some believers, some not. Lunch with professors who bestow such profound Christian wisdom, I have underlined all those passages in the book. Learning about life and what is truly important.

Her story inspires me to trust. To live the unanswered questions. To believe and live in faith because living for Christ is the most important thing. I think I am okay with having so many unanswered questions right now, because at the end of each question my Lord stands reminding me to not be anxious or afraid. Be of good cheer.

Sneezles

They asked if the sneezles
Came after the wheezles,
Or if the first sneezle
Came first.
They said, "If you teazle
A sneezle
Or wheezle,
A measle
May easily grow.
But humour or pleazle
The wheezle
Or sneezle,
The measle
Will certainly go.

-A.A. Milne, Sneezles

I definitely had the sneezles last week. It all began on New Year's Eve, so while everyone was out at a party ready to celebrate the new year, I was cozy on my couch with a blanket, a book, and a cup of hot tea. It only got worse from there, I am afraid. I had to carry my handkerchief in my pocket because my nose and eyes were so runny. And I don't think I have ever sneezed so much in my life.

At work it seemed to be the growing trend. Sneezing. At least every 10 minutes or so someone was saying "bless you" to someone else, and they, in turn, would be the next to sneeze. There is no remedy for the sneeze attacks. My remedy for soothing my throat, though, is hot tea with honey. Ahhhhh, it is true relief.

Another remedy is laughter. I think that is what A.A. Milne was getting at. You feel miserable when you are sick, so smiling and laughing eases the suffering (I am profoundly grateful to anyone who made me laugh while I was fighting the sneezles). Even though, it is just a simple cold and soon enough you are back to normal.

Cooking for One

My new apron Jason brought back from Haiti

I really enjoy cooking, but it is always a challenge because recipes usually make way too much for my huge crowd of one. So, I usually have to cut the recipe in half or tweak the ingredients. So, I tend to not measure everything. I'll just add a bunch of corn, or pour in some broth, or use a whole onion when the recipe calls for half an onion (who uses only half, I mean, really?). It is kind of fun and adventurous making my own version of a recipe I find. And usually, it turns out marvelously. The times it did not turn out marvelously, well, we can just pretend never happened.

Today I tried a new recipe: black bean & corn quinoa. Quinoa is pronounced keen-wa. This tasted absolutely delicious. I wouldn't be writing about it if it didn't!

I started with some olive oil in my new skillet (thanks to Ryan and Sam!) and added my chopped onion and a tablespoon of minced garlic (a garlic press is one of my new favorite things). Let that cook until the onion is brown. Sprinkle some Italian herbs and cumin. Pour in 3/4 (or 1 cup) cup rinsed and drained quinoa, and some salt. Stir for 5 minutes.
Add almost a full can of black beans, a good amount of frozen corn, and a can of vegetable broth. Bring to a boil, reduce heat, cover, and let cook for 20 minutes, or until the quinoa is fluffy.
Drizzle with some fresh squeezed lime juice when serving. Yum.

Is it Friday?

Do you ever wake up feeling so happy because it is Friday, which means the end of the workweek, and you can start your weekend planning in your head? Like sleeping in past 6:30. And isn't it the worst feeling when you wake up thinking it is Friday only come to find out when you turn off your alarm on your cell phone that it is, in fact, a whole day off?

'My cell phone must be wrong', I thought, 'it simply can't be Thursday. It feels too much like Friday.'

Indeed, it was Thursday. And even worse, I would catch myself throughout the day on Thursday thinking that it was Friday, and I had to remind myself that my pre-weekend excitement was too early...

But now it really is Friday and I may commence with my pre-weekend celebratory thoughts.

It made me think about how sometimes we can act like we know it all. We are so sure of ourselves that we are correct. We argue with someone and won't back down. We boast about our knowledge on something. Only come to find out that we are wrong. We talk on and on in what 1 Timothy 6.20 calls "irreverent babble and contradictions of what is falsely called 'knowledge'". Sometimes we need to just learn to listen. To let someone teach us and show us something.

I was wrong about the day. Okay, small example. I wasn't arguing with anyone besides my cell phone (the cell phone won the argument). But I have learned that it is okay to be wrong about things. I will freely admit that I don't know anything, really. Teach me. Show me. Involve me. I love learning.

Who is wise and understanding among you? By his good conduct, let him show his works in the meekness of wisdom. James 3.13

Seeped in Mystery

Filling our minds with clutter of the soul

Restricts ourselves from being whole

Attempting to ignore the falsities and lies

As we stumble through errors of our tries

If this were easy wouldn't we all flee?

From a truth lacking mystery amidst intimacy?

I'd like to embrace that which is seeped in mystery

With tiny reveals of wisdom as my eyes start to see