Live Unanswered Questions

The Bridge of Sighs, Oxford

Christ offered a bridge over the gap I felt, sitting there on the floor, between my self and my own soul. Between my God and me. I wanted to know God and to be known by Him- a relationship so intimate that there was no space between Him and my soul. -Carolyn Weber

I am so full of unanswered questions. Almost every aspect of my life is made up of questions that are waiting to receive an answer.
I finished reading Surprised by Oxford on my day off last Monday. It was a refreshing day, so I had my sliding glass door open all day, allowing in the chilled air from the north. My feet got cold as I read, so I put on my cool crochet slipper boots, and pulled on my Oxford University sweatshirt. Appropriate, I thought, since I am now concluding this book about a girl discovering God in Oxford while studying literature.

sit finis libri, non finis quaerendi

(Latin) Thomas Merton- "Let this be the ending of the book but by no means the end of the searching."

I am so sad to have finished reading this book. 440 pages was not enough. It makes me think of C.S. Lewis when he said, "you can't get a cup of tea big enough or a book long enough to suit me". This book is so inspiring to me, in many ways. It's not too shocking that one of my dreams is to study and live in Oxford, and this book is her journey through her first year as a literature grad student, which is what I would most desire to be as well. Her view as a North American parallels my own experiences in England, as she adjusts to the ways of the Brits. The language barrier from English to English is even a challenge. For instance, if someone asked you for a tuppence, you would have no idea what they wanted, right? They want two pence (or two cents). Or the street signs that can be confusing when you first encounter them. Or driving on the other side of the road (it messes with your head when you are first getting used to it).

I have been to many places in Oxford, but she goes to places I dream of going to. Like the reading room in the Radcliffe Camera, or freely walking about in the Duke Humphrey's Library (the oldest part of the Bodleian). You have to be a student to roam these places on your own. Other places, such as inside the colleges themselves, I only dream about exploring. Walks along the rivers and meadows. Chapels and cathedrals. Pubs and coffee shops. Reciting poetry from her classes throughout the writing. Connecting with new friends, some believers, some not. Lunch with professors who bestow such profound Christian wisdom, I have underlined all those passages in the book. Learning about life and what is truly important.

Her story inspires me to trust. To live the unanswered questions. To believe and live in faith because living for Christ is the most important thing. I think I am okay with having so many unanswered questions right now, because at the end of each question my Lord stands reminding me to not be anxious or afraid. Be of good cheer.