A Faded Song

That the future is a faded song, a
Royal rose or a lavender spray
of wistful regret for those who are
not yet here to regret
Pressed between yellow leaves of a
book that has never been opened.
And the way up is the way down,
the way forward is the way back.
You cannot face it steadily, but this
thing is sure,
That time is no healer: the patient
is no longer here.

"The Dry Salvages", T.S. Eliot

A paradox we rarely come to terms with is how suffering we endure actually helps us. It is in the toughest times that we call to God for help and seek Him the most. In our desperation we look to Him as we feel so helpless. And yet, we are always able to draw close to God all the time. But in good times when all is going well, we tend to lose that need for God. We may not believe that, but it is easy to have the tendency to act in that manner.

And that is dangerous. It is exactly what Satan wants us to think. The more we feel independent of God's will, the further we stray from God. Then it becomes a slippery slope.

It is all our doing. We choose every single day whether to walk close to God or take a step away. Leaving our future in God's hands is the toughest thing to let go of, but it is always the best choice. God's ways are perfect.

We also choose to be joyful or wallow in a bad time. No matter what we are going through, we can choose to be full of joy, for when God is our source of joy, we are filled to the brim because it is not of earthly sources. And it will not spill unless you tip it over to make room for earthly things to fill you.

So, fill me Lord, with the heavenly joy that has me looking to You all my days.

The Most Simple

I will praise your name,
for you have done wonderful things,
plans formed of old, faithful and sure.
- Isaiah 25.1

The wispy purple blooms I have on my kitchen table (and drying upside down) look like little lavender buds but they do not have the lovely scent. I do have some lavender stems of leaves on my table, too, from my friend Emily's porch garden. I am letting some of these leaves steep with my brewing Earl Grey tea in a little pot. Adding vanilla and pouring over some soy milk, it's pretty tasty. But not living up to the name of a Lavender Fog. Guess I will have to keep practicing.

There is something refreshing about having some of God's nature in the home. It brings a beautiful outdoor reminder of God's goodness and provisions. The light coming through my windows is comforting, like a renewal of my day. The gentle breeze outside brings the otherwise stolid trees to life in a little dance.

Lately, I have been indulging in the most simple of things. And it's been wonderful. It's nice to slow down. Isn't that what Summer is for?

- Drying flowers in my kitchen
- Hanging thrifted lace curtains
- Brewing a cup of rose tea each night
- Making simple eggs and toast
- Playing piano
- Reading for hours
- Watching cardinals jump from branch to branch outside my windows
- Sitting by a window watching the rain fall

Happy weekend!

Thy Will Be Done

Ah, you who hide deep from the Lord

your counsel,

whose deeds are in the dark,
and who say, "who sees us? Who
knows us?"
You turn things upside down!
Shall the potter be regarded as the clay,
that the thing made should say of its maker,
"He did not make me,"
or the thing formed say of him who formed it,
"He has no understanding?"

-Isaiah 29.15-16

Oftentimes we like to make ourselves the maker. We place ourselves in higher authority trusting in our own wisdom and knowledge rather than in our Creator. We tell ourselves that nobody will know if we do "this" or "that". No one will find out.

Your heavenly Father sees all. We kid ourselves if we think otherwise.
In the same way that God sees all we may do that is not good, He also sees all the good we do. And all those thing we may do in secret, where we do not allow ourselves to take the glory or any recognition.
Yea, He see all that too.

The kindness toward strangers. The prayers in our quiet times alone. The gentleness we have with someone who is tough to deal with. Being unrecognized when you have put forth hard work. Doing the right thing even when no person would find out if you did otherwise. Loving others when they are being unlovable.

We try and try to seek the approval of others. But why? We will spin and spin our wheels doing that, not moving an inch. We should not expect God to bend toward us and what we want. We are not the maker. We create wonderful things here that replicate and give a tiny glimpse of all that is perfect in God, but we are not the original Creator.

Seek the approval of God, first, and you will find His will.
Thy will be done.

Long Summer Days

I love being at home.
Do you ever feel like you just want to BE at home? To enjoy it by being there fully? Not just dashing to and fro. Not just rushing to get ready and go. But to be. I have been trying to do more of that lately, and it's not a hard thing to do for me, in my new home. I live in about 520 square feet of space, and it's perfect for me.

It's a clear, less humid day. I can see the blue sky peaking through the giant tree limbs as I sit on my sofa, stretched out with a book in my hands.

It is still so bright at 8 PM. Seemingly it feels like it should be 5 PM from the amount of light that is still hovering upon us. But it is the remnants of the long days of summer that seem to go on and on.

The Spanish moss is hanging loosely from the tree out front, swaying in the breeze. I think the moss must be ready to fall at any moment. Plop! Right onto the grass.

What do you love most about Summer?
Here are my favourite things:

- Ice cream cones
- Watermelon
- Longer days
- Slower pace
- Road trips
- Corn on the cob
- BBQ
- Crepe Myrtles in bloom
- Green grass
- Lemonade
- Oranges
- Rain
- Wearing sun hats

Hmmm. There seems to be quite a bit of food items on my list. 

Apartment Tour: My Bedroom

At last! I can share a few photos of my bedroom. It is coming together with some wall hangings and a little flowery curtain for privacy. All my other curtains are either white or lace, because I refuse to block the light that comes through all my windows. I love this space and the light that comes in here. I took these photos around 5 PM, which has that beginning of the slanting light which makes this room glow. There is more to do, and I am always thinking of things to change and ways to add more charm.

Some of my favourite pieces in this room are from thrift/ second-hand stores, by the way. Like the two different curtains on the one window. The rug (from the fancy flea market). My wing-back chair. The framed San Francisco, London, and piazza painted scenes. Oh, and many of my books, of course!

I love it in here. I really like waking up to the lovely sunlight that comes through the thin curtains. Not in an harsh way, but in a soothing wake-up-with-the-sun way. I guess that means I don't sleep in anymore, but who am I kidding, I have never been one to sleep late. There's just so much you can do in a day!

What Could Be

Oft I dream of what could be
Held close these thoughts,
like treasure none can see.
From the here and now of a moment,
to lasting infinity
breaks come along, and idleness
is fought
Sometimes I am charged with vigor
as I ought
And when the tide turns I can
finally see
That which I desire is set in motion;
all that I sought
is clear as clear can be.


If we stand on the edge of hope always looking deeper, it will change our views with glimpses of the greater story we are already a part of.

Independence Day

United States of America. We live in a pretty amazing place and have so many freedoms that we take for granted. We rarely think about the sacrifices those before us made for the good of the country and for our futures. No matter how frustrated we get with our neighbors or our government, we are all the same and yet different. We all struggle with similar things. And this country embraces its diversity, with so many different kinds of places from the north east, to the south, to the west coast. We have such a beautiful variety of people and places. I wish to see so much more of our amazing country in my travels.

So....
How did you celebrate America's birthday?
I enjoyed time with family here in my town and got to show some of them my new home. Gladly we did not have any outdoor plans because we had several periods of pouring rain and even a thunderstorm in the afternoon. Wet all day.

We ate grilled hamburgers, hot dogs, corn on the cob, green beans, and watermelon. You know, all the American traditions. And I refused to indulge in any dessert that wasn't patriotic. So, as you see, this ice cream cone fit the bill and it disappeared pretty quickly.

Come Further In, Come Further Up!

I have been writing pages and pages about stories and thinking a lot about stories lately. Interestingly, it keeps coming up in my life, whether in the blogs I read, podcasts I listen to, in church, or in my selection of books I am reading.

Truth in stories is ringing in my days lately. My eyes have been glued to the pages of truly good stories, like The Last Battle by C.S. Lewis. It is the last book of the Chronicles of Narnia series. I find that I need really good, deep stories that reach into my soul and open doors. A breath of fresh air filled with longings of another place.

There are so many hidden gems within these pages. The lines leap out into the imagination and I realize that without imagination we cannot have hope of what is to come. That new beginning at the dawn of the new creation. Or, in Narnia, the old has died and the new creation is right before their eyes. The new Narnia looks and feels like the old one, except it is deeper. It is more.

A new place that looks so familiar and yet it is even grander than one could possibly imagine. In the new Narnia, the children realize that as they run deeper and deeper across the grassy landscape and up waterfalls, it gets bigger and bigger. Passing into one gate, they see that what they just passed into is even larger than what they just left outside the gate.

The old Narnia was much beloved because it was a tiny bit like the new creation. We recognize the beauty of God in these tiny pieces.

In regards to stories, our art of writing and using our imaginations is a gift and it matters eternally. All that we create here holds tiny seeds of eternity. God will make our old creation perfectly real in new creation. All that is good will be what it is meant to be. All beauty here shows glimpses of what is meant to be.

Forward Thinking

We do not live in the past. We live right here. In this very moment. What's done is done and over and gone. Why wrestle with it again? Like driving on a road, we are always moving forward, with glances to that which we left behind. Sometimes the glances are to good things, sometimes to unpleasant things.

There are some things I easily let go of and don't even let weigh me down. And while I can let those drift away with the breeze, everything does not fly away so easily for me. There are certain things that keep jumping back in my mind that I know are a struggle for me. We all have those things.

I've come to a conclusion (and this isn't anything other than what I knew all along, but I am writing about it now and realizing the positive benefit of it) that I need to have a more forward thinking mentality along with my here-in-the-moment attitude.

I do not believe there is anything wrong with remembering the past, such as recalling a good time or fond memory, for that is where our roots are. For instance, I never regret remembering my Dad and thinking back to any times we had together. While it can make me incredibly sad at times, those are past memories branching out of love.

But if I am reaching back into the past out of any bitterness or anger, my recollections will haunt. I'd rather not feel ghosts of the past creeping in. It leaves behind all sorts of dreadful thoughts.

Perhaps there is a reason for the past, and even a reason for a certain loss. As a follower of Jesus, I believe that we are to follow at whatever cost. Sometimes it is at the cost of something extremely dear. But we should remember that no matter what is lost, we are gaining so much more in our relationship with Christ, which is beyond all measure.

Fine Stories

I sit by the window with a pining in my heart. A yearning not fully describable. The evening light fades and I do not want to leave this chair and yet at the same time I long to go on long walks through beautiful countryside just outside my door (if I had countryside outside my door). To walk and dream and think.

I am here. Amidst the trees. Up in my tree house reading books that take me elsewhere like Sense and Sensibility by Jane Austen and other books (you will read about soon) that utter something deeper. A story. A good story that I, as the reader, want to be a part of.

To read Elinor's emotions and responses to delicate and perplexing situations is like a glimpse into my own life and how I would/should react to situations. To resonate with a character and the feelings so much shows the mark of a truly great writer. Each good story matters. It holds the creative side of God's creation in the form of imagination.

God gave us the ability to imagine places, characters, and stories because it all matters. We are all part of the larger story that God is writing and we get to sub-create in this world. Perhaps along the way, we catch glimpses of what God has in store for the true beginning of a new earth at chapter one through these stories. Just as in these good books, the ending is the beginning of a new chapter in the lives of the characters.

So this pining in my heart is not something that can be wholly filled here, it is as C.S. Lewis says- Sehnsucht or a longing of what he says is like a thoughtful wishing (read more about that HERE), but these good stories I have been reading look beyond in that they capture the love of God through story.