Around My Home

Here are a few things around my home that make me happy and bring good thoughts to the busy days I have been having. A book and my journal. I am loving this book Unfinished Tales by J.R.R. Tolkien. I bought this in Oxford but am just now starting to read it. The words on these pages are so beautiful. They are stories Tolkien wrote that were not completed, but the way he was so detailed and thoughtful about the history of elves and men is inspiring. He truly took his craft seriously and I get swept up in these characters' journeys. These are unfinished, and yet they express his immense and deep love of writing more and more history of Middle-earth.

All my little cacti and succulents are doing so well in my home. I am not one who knows about gardening or plants, so I am pretty happy with these little guys. I leave them for weeks and they are good. They are probably the easiest plants to care for.

The photographs on the left were taken by my brother's friend with an old camera, and developed by that friend. My brother is the one in the photo, and he took these prints and framed them in shadowboxes for me some years ago. He knows I love photography and old things, so I treasure these square black & white prints. The wreath on the right was given to me by my brother and sister in law several years ago. They got it at an art & craft fair, and it's made from pages of books. Naturally, they thought of me, and I really like this little piece.

A mostly thrifted outfit. Dress and sweater - thrifted. New shoes, though I have been looking for these exact shoes for quite awhile. Necklace made by me.

My books. Oh my lovely books! Books make me so happy. Everything about them. The look. The colour. The feel of the pages. The scent of the pages and ink. The weight of them. The aesthetic. Oh yea, and the words inside, of course! My large bookshelf is a little bit messier than I like, but I am out of space!

A blank page on which I will write a letter. I am the old-fashioned kind who likes that sort of thing. Also, mustard yellow is my colour of the year. I cannot get enough of it. And this slanted afternoon light is lovely.

Reminder Notes

Wake up oh sleeper!
Make haste.
Rise and get moving.
What is it that ails you so that you are not making something? Creating something? Moving forward?

You have this moment. Right here.
You are not guaranteed to have another.

The dream is sitting on your heart, waiting to be given some air. Let it out and chase it through the breezy, open fields to see where it leads. Give it room to breath. A higher space to look up at. If you always keep it hidden and secret, you will never get to see all the potential that is practically steaming out your ears. It's aching to be free.

Examine your heart to ensure it is a dream of yours and not someone else's borrowed. Your dream is beautiful and personal. Just as you and your creative nature is unique, so then shall be your dreams and pursuits.

Don't look at anyone else and think your life should look just like that. When you do that you mask your own potential and talents. Search your heart and pray for guidance to discover if you do not know. God will show you the gifts He has given you, so that you can use them to the glory of His name.

Grow Taller

Do you think I might grow taller? It is such a silly question, I know. I catch myself thinking this strange thought one evening when a reminder goes off in my head that I am thirty. I probably won't be growing any taller.

But that is the state of mind I am always in. Thinking impossible things as I drift off to sleep. Will I grow? Will I learn more? Feeling giddy at the thought of class and learning I imagine myself at a desk equipped with a freshly sharpened pencil and a clean page in my spiral notebook. Ready and eager to learn, I always was eager to learn, and always will be. It is a marvel, to me, that we can absorb so much just by listening to one who is wiser. Then make scribbles in a notebook with bullet points and underlines.

It doesn't require much to teach. Just a mode of communicating it. But it requires one who us willing to listen and acquire. Isn't it marvelous how we can share knowledge with one another and enrich each other's lives?

I have the attitude that I will never be full or done with learning. I have so much more to learn. I will always be a sponge for wisdom and knowledge.

These are the thoughts I had while I drifted off to sleep the other night.

Longing for Elsewhere

I used to wonder if it were seemly for one heart to reside in two places at once, to pine for the one while enjoying the comforts of the other.

- Lanier Ivester

These days have been full of sunshine and heat. Gosh, it is hot. The seasonal change of Autumn seems light-years away. Will it ever come? One day, when the Autumn weather visits us again I will be reflecting on and on about the things I only dream about now. Like a wisp of smoke I try to grasp at, only eventually holding onto a tiny bit of seasonal wonderment. And in those moments my reflections turn heavenward to God's blessings. Why doesn't God bless us with seasons here and cooler weather? I could wonder at this for ages, and receive no answer other than one word - variety.

The nature of God's nature is that of variety and loveliness that comes along with that, leaving no two places exactly the same.

Perhaps that is why we are always longing for somewhere else. We want what we don't have and dream about other places without fully appreciating where we are at this moment. And that leads to another wonderment - will heaven be all of what we always longed for? Yes.

We are never fully satisfied here. We know (or maybe wonder) if there is something better than what we have here. There must be. Our emptiness here is present and filled by God's love but we cannot grasp that. We cannot hold onto it because we cannot see Him. And yet He colours in our picture everyday with hints of His kingdom. We don't even know, we cannot even imagine the beauty of the heavenly realm. It will be deeper and more wonderful than we could imagine.

We know that will come one day. And we wait. We wait on the tips of our toes in anticipation of what is to come. We write about it. We dream about it. We ponder about it. He will come and we will know the answers to our questions. Or perhaps the questions will become obsolete. Or maybe even the questions will become the answers. It could be something we never thought of.

Downtown Vibes

A morning begins right with a good cup of coffee and a good atmosphere. On Saturday morning I took my quiet, introverted self out of my coziness to the downtown farmer's market and Mitchell's Coffee Shop. I parked along the street and walked through the farmer's market without stopping because it was so brutally hot and humid. I was even there early, a little after 9 AM. I got a cappuccino at Mitchell's and sat at the bar along the front windows so I could look out to the street and the people meandering through the market. It wasn't too busy, but it was so hot.

But it was nice in the coffee shop from the inside looking out. There was a common chatter in the background. My soul was full of thankfulness. Enjoying moments of quiet in a public place stretches me and my writing, which is a good thing. Normally, it is all too easy for me to make my own coffee at home, stay in my cosy place sipping coffee and writing, and then getting busy with errands.

This weekend, though, I was doing something different.

Something I love about this block downtown is the brick buildings. They age nicely. They change colour in the different shades of light and shadows. And they don't remind me of Florida. They are not tropical. They invoke a more Autumnal feeling with their earthly tones. Autumn seems like a distant beauty that my heart always longs for.

But for today, I will admire the beauty of the buildings, the sky, the colours before me, the coffee in my cup, the words that keep flowing to me as I continue to write, and the love that is ever-present in my life.

Lilith

...but as often as I try to fit the reality with nearer words, I find myself in danger of losing the things themselves, and feel like one in process of awaking from a dream, with the thing that seemed familiar gradually yet swiftly changing through a succession of forms until its very nature is no longer recognisable.
- Lilith, by George MacDonald

Rarely does a book capture me so much that I spend the weekend with my nose hovering over the pages as I travel with Mr. Vane through the mirror in his big, old house into another world. This is the kind of imaginative story (likened to Alice in Wonderland, which, as an interesting side-note, MacDonald and Lewis Carroll were good friends) that dabbles in word-play but with deeper roots, a darker story line with evil that puts every living thing in danger. It is definitely my favourite George MacDonald book.

"The strange thing to you," he went on thoughtfully, "will be, that the more doors you go out of, the farther you get in!"

"Oblige me by telling me where I am."

"That is impossible. You know nothing about whereness. The only way to come to know where you are is to begin to make yourself at home."

Lilith was first published in 1895. I am fascinated to learn that MacDonald was good friends with Lewis Carroll and they spent a lot of time together talking literature and theology. Lilith came before Alice in Wonderland, and there are many influences from Lilith. In both stories, for example, the protagonist steps through a looking glass into another world, but in each case they were drawn into it and were not seeking it. The world they step into is full of bizarre creatures and experiences, with many lessons to be learned. In each book the main character has a child-likeness and naiveté, so they trust others without a second thought, which sometimes leads them into trouble. When Carroll was looking for opinions on his stories, he asked MacDonald to read Alice in Wonderland, which he brought it to his children and read it to them out loud.

"...Only good where evil was, is evil dead. An evil thing must live with its evil until it chooses to be good. That alone is the slaying of evil."

Lilith, unlike Alice in Wonderland, is not a children's book. It was written for adults. So it has complexities and darkness that capture you much more deeply than a story catered to children. This book is such a treasure. This story (and MacDonald's others) deeply influenced two of my favourite authors - G.K. Chesterton and C.S. Lewis. Since I know their writings well, I really enjoyed seeing hints and influences as I read Lilith that would show up in varied ways in the 1900's through Chesterton and Lewis.

"What does it all mean?" I said.

"A good question!" he rejoined: "nobody knows what anything is; a man can learn only what a thing means! Whether he do, depends on the use he is making of it."

Anyone who knows me a little bit knows my affinity toward British writers, good fantasy stories that have deeper meanings, beautiful language, adventure, and deep thoughts. And this book does not disappoint. This is one that I want to read again, and soon.

The dark rocks drank like sponges the rays that showered upon them: the great world soaked up the light, and sent out the living.

Deep Water

Knowing what is right is like
deep water in the heart;
a wise person draws from
The well within.

- Proverbs 20.5

A melancholy evening is adorned with lugubrious raindrops speckling my windows. I sit from a cosy perspective watching them fall and gather on the glass, sliding down, down, down as more continue to fall in their mechanical way. Unrelenting, yet soft. Soaking into all things slowly, almost unassumingly so. You might barely notice, or not notice at all.

The water soaks into me. But I am not wet. I am refreshed with the Lord soaking me thoroughly with His love. Through and through His rain is unrelenting, and yet soft on our hearts. A gentleness this world does not give freely.

I need it. Even on good days. I need the soaking rain. I want wisdom to soak in deep so that it emerges in every aspect of my daily life.

Lord, draw near.

Mercy, Always

Never be afraid to show mercy,
for if God gives it freely to me
then I can show it to others
without reserve.

Sometimes I don't know how to respond verbally or in the moment to something that frustrates me, so I write about it in my journal and come up with words that may or may not be encouraging later. Then I ponder and muse upon the situation and let my thoughts meander in my journal for awhile. The freedom in my writing is such that I don't have to fret about offending anyone because the pages in my journal won't see the light of day.

There are days when I try to understand some people and cannot. When I think about the way they act and the choices they make I get so frustrated. And yet I know it's not my place to dwell in that and wish change upon someone. For I cannot change anyone and why would I? I have no authority.

However --
It's my place to show mercy.

No matter what wrong has been done to me, or to someone else close to me, I am to look to how Jesus would react. He would show mercy.

I know this.
I also know that even more than showing mercy we are supposed to pray for our enemies. How many of us do this? We don't even pray for our friends! My heart is impacted by this because mercy is not always my first response. But it should be.

So I am reminding myself to not be afraid to show mercy. There should be no fear in mercy, or it is not mercy. It is a way of trusting God to take care of matters. It is what Jesus did and continues to do.

Active Stillness

Living a life in Christ is to live in active stillness.

Morning coffee cools in my white cup and saucer on my coffee table. After church I came back and lingered over some Scripture. The morning light is bright. I just downloaded a Bible and devotional app on my phone and read through one day's post. It is time to be still. It is a good morning.

I feel dull when I don't make time to be still. Seems like a paradox, right? You'd think being still could include hours in front of the television droning repetitive shows and annoyingly catchy commercial tunes. But this stillness is about being mindful -- with a heart open to the love Christ dwells in.

I went to the early traditional service this morning. To me, there is something refreshing to the soul about the early morning. It is before the chatter of my mind wakes up. So the message and the music can sink deeper. This morning there was a clarinet/organ piece played and it was beautiful. The melodic notes from both instruments played off one another in a song that reached deeper than just my ears. My heart started humming along, joining in a lovely few minutes of music. Every time I get to experience live instruments being played like that I am drawn into the music and moved by it. The young, talented clarinet player created a beauty that mingled through the air of the sanctuary and I was deeply thankful for such an enjoyable experience.

Then I thought about all the instruments that humanity has invented and the lovely sounds those instruments can produce, and how that is just a foretaste of the symphonic elements that God has in the heavenly realm. There are sounds & melodies & harmonies that we don't even know; that we haven't ever heard because what we have on earth is a glimpse.

That is because what heaven holds is so much more.

There's a reason we are moved by music.
There's a reason our hearts are warmed by a kind, handwritten note.
There's a reason time spent with someone dear is so enjoyable.
There's a reason why beauty in nature grabs our imaginations.

It's all because we are made with these lovely things in our hearts. Things that won't be fully satisfied in this earthly realm, but in new creation it will all unfold in perfection as it was meant to be. No restraints of earth will then hold it back.

And for now, the mystery that surrounds these lovely glimpses should remain alive. As glittering examples in our lives.

Lately: iPhone Photographs

My collection may be random, but here are some of my favourite photographs I have taken recently. Mostly these are from home or in North Carolina. Now that I have an iPhone I have much better editing capabilities (through my favourite apps Instagram and VSCO Cam) and I am enjoying that so much. I must admit, I really like my iPhone and am super happy I got it. I have always been one who is eager to take good photos and my phone allows me to do that with the additional perks of good editing apps. I find that I am loving how my photos turn out with just a couple of minor edits.

It is just simply fun to me: taking photographs that are lovely and that invoke good feelings. I tend to lean toward a softer images with a touch of contrast. Warm, earth tones are my preference. I really love that I get to use my photos here on my blog to share with others. It allows me to stretch my writing imagination as well as my photography imagination!