Phantom Bliss

I trust not to thy phantom bliss,

Yet, still, in evening's quiet hour,

With never-failing thankfulness,

I welcome thee, Benignant Power;

Sure solacer of human cares,

And sweeter hope, when hope despairs!

-Emily Brontë

For a long time, my brother Jason's friend, Renee, referred to my other brother, Ryan, as the "phantom brother" because the rest of us had met her and hung out with her on several occasions, and yet somehow she hadn't met Ryan or my sister-in-law, Sam. She heard all about them and knew they existed somewhere, but they remained elusive. Not intentionally, of course. But we would joke with her about our phantom brother. Until they all finally met, and he was no longer a phantom.

Sometimes I feel like certain things in my life are like what Emily Brontë refers to as 'thy phantom bliss'. That elusiveness surrounding the things I hope for. I ascertain from her words similar feelings of my own. Tiny glimpses of that future bliss, which is not concrete or fully developed, so it is a phantom. And at times the hope that I cling to so tightly falls into despair. While specific hopes crack occasionally under the uncertainties that creep in, behind the scenes I am unaware of what pieces God is placing in the perfect spot so that they bring the circumstances needed for the next step in His plans for me. And unbeknownst to me, tomorrow could hold one bright answer to my questions!

So that crack in my hope is being filled by thankfulness. Emily Brontë calls it 'never-failing', and I pray that my thankfulness is never-failing because I have everything to be thankful for. I recognize in myself when I lose sight of that thankfulness. God has use for this time and it should not be wasted. How can He use me later if I am lost in despair now? Being thankful for gifts brings a joyful heart because when you are thinking about the cool breeze, the radiant sunset, the hilarious old lady in the check-out line, listening to live music, or laughing with a good friend, you are filled with God's loving abundance rather than your despairing thoughts. It's not easy, though, and oftentimes I need a little encouragement to back on track.
I thank God for those people who are in my life who do this for me. If you have listened to my despairs and given me your time and thoughts, you are my encouragement, and I am thankful. We all need that sometimes.