Pieces

A page from my journal, 2007

Your soul has a curious shape because it is a hollow made to fit a particular swelling in the infinite contours of the Divine substance, or a key to unlock one of the doors in the house with many mansions. For it is not humanity in the abstract that is to be saved, but you- you, the individual reader...

-C.S. Lewis

Sometimes I just feel like I am just scattered in pieces. Not always sure of where those pieces are supposed to fit, I am left with a new puzzle in my head. And as I try to fit the puzzle together, there's a missing piece. And it's my fault I leave that piece out. It's my fault when a piece falls crooked so it doesn't fit with the piece next to it. It's all due to my own resistance. 

One reason I love keeping a journal is to go back later and flip through those pages full of my thoughts and occasional sketches, like the one above. I am no artist. In fact, if you saw some of the other drawings, you'd laugh and think a child drew them. Reading my journals from years ago either makes me laugh, remember good times or struggles I went through, or be thankful for the wisdom I have gained since then. It also brings into perspective all that I still have to learn. 

C.S. Lewis always brings me back to the truth of the matter. Of course I have trouble putting the puzzle together. Of course there is a piece missing, or the hollow spot, where only the Divine will fit. The more I try to fit my own plans into that space, it won't fit. Try as I might. But I have to surrender that piece to God. I can't claim it for myself at all. And once I give that space to God, He will use it. Get ready...