Hope Remains

Breakfast at a tiny cafe in Oxford

Reminding me that change is constant

All beginnings are hopeful

It's a scary thing, I must admit

Sequences of fears rise bit by bit

Yet facing those fears

And making your way

Has brought you near

Where I hope you'll stay

The hope remains as we move through time

And company is true

Yet uncertainties still linger

Like reminders tied to my finger

The road ahead has change in store

The curves may throw me for a loop

Am I still in the path for more?

I pray this to be true

Power of God

I had a bad dream last night. It kind of felt like a cheap horror movie that plays on your fears. But it's interesting because in my dream I knew I was only in a dream, and I was scared but somehow I knew it wasn't real, so I acted without a second thought and jumped into a fearful thing because I had to. At least I thought I had to.

In reality we all tend to hesitate, over think, and build-up a situation imagining the worst. We find things to worry about, whether it is related to work, decisions, life, relationships, &c. We hold onto these internal struggles that stick like glue but that get locked away inside, rationalizing that no one else can help and we have to take care of it ourselves. How deceived we are!

Yes, we are weak, and we can not handle our trials and fears by our own strength. In my dream last night, I trusted that I would be taken care of in my scary situation. Where is that trust in everyday life? Do you find it hard to trust that God is going to take care of you? Thank goodness we have a Heavenly Father whose power overshadows any fear you could possibly encounter. Any weakness you have is so minuscule when handed over to God.

How prideful of us to think we can handle life without God!

Here's hoping that my dreams are more pleasant tonight. But this bad dream raised a musing to my thoughts, and out of it, a reminder of the need for God's strength in every fear I may have.

He is not weak in dealing with you, but is powerful among you. For he was crucified in weakness, but lives by the power of God. For we also are weak in him, but in dealing with you we will live with him by the power of God. -2 Corinthians 13.3-4

Window

A window opens

And the breezes of encouragement

Float in,

Swirling around me

Wistfully gliding until it settles

Within,

A gentle hint of success

Breaches my mind and a subtle hope

Begins to rise,

Like a morning

Star glimmers before a wonder filled

Sunrise.

Stories Take Time

Write about what you know. That's the key to writing. Jane Austen wrote about what she knew. Society, life in the English countryside and in cities like Bath. The wit and humour are all there, too, and with a sharp mind those ingredients are mixed well and the end result is a wonderfully written story full of pieces of her life made into original characters and places. Situations drawn from her life experiences created story lines that work so well and are still fresh today. It doesn't grow old to read stories of good triumphing in the end and only the truest love happening for the lead heroine.

Though Jane Austen's novels end at the happy marriage and some additional details, the whole of the novel is the struggles, the mess-ups, the learning and growing in wisdom to be a better person. Those trials and unknown times in life are what makes the stories stories to tell. If everything just happened with the snap of two fingers there would be no story to tell. If Mr. Darcy was perfectly kind from the start and Elizabeth more open, they might have gotten together within the first 4 chapters of Pride and Prejudice and the book would be over. But because they both needed to develop, change, grow, and learn the story is intriguing, inspiring, and the true love shines through.

I want my story to be like that. I have had struggles and trials and I know through them I have grown. I am also certain that I have much more to learn. I have to stay firm in my trust that no matter where I go next, the puzzle pieces that are my life will fit together as God intends.

Showing Honor

Let love be genuine.

Abhor what is evil;

hold fast to what is good.

Love one another with brotherly affection.

Outdo one another

in showing honor.

-Romans 12.9-10

It is easy to read through some verses and breeze over the instruction and meaning. When I read these short verses again and focus on each word as I read it, a whole new depth arises from some simple words.

Abhor what is evil. We are surrounded by evil in our days. We are to shrink from it in disgust and detest it. Simply put- stay away from the evil that Satan throws in your path.

While we shrink away from the evil we are to hold onto what is good. Like love, which is to be true and honest, and shared with others in the most genuine way.

Then the verse says to outdo one another in showing honor. To outdo is to exceed or surpass and to do one's best or better than expected. This is what struck me as I read these lines slowly, digesting each word. We are to outdo one another in honor. I don't think most of us do that as much as we should and there is no reason why we aren't able to. Are we showing honor to our friends, family, co-workers, and the cashiers at the store?

Are we exceeding expectations in showing the following definitions of honor?

-high regard

-great respect

-something done as a token of respect

-purity

-keen sense of right and wrong

Challenge:

How can we show more honor to others in our daily lives? It strikes me that all these verses are focused on the acts towards others. It's not about you. It's about showing love a caring for others in a way that Christ would. These are principles that Christ exemplified and that we are to follow.

Passions Start Young

My Dad- old fashioned car wash

We develop our passions early in life. Think back to when you were a child (or teenager). I wanted to be able to write before I knew how to. I would scribble on paper, pretending I was writing sentences. Then, I dictated my first book to my Mom, who wrote out the story since I couldn't write. But I drew the pictures. I still have that first book somewhere. It was about a girl who lost her pumpkin on Halloween.

I love that my Mom found this photo of my Dad washing a car. It shows his early appreciation of cars and taking care of them. He was crazy about cars, especially BMWs. From the 1970s to his last day, he was passionate about the Ultimate Driving Machine. And I found that cars became a contrivance for my Dad and I to grow closer. As soon as I could drive and had my first car (a 1991 525i) he and I would wash it and wax it together and while we worked he would show me things about my car, which must have given him joy to talk cars with his only daughter. He would always ask about my life and what was going on with me. Over the years, it became so clear to me what special times those were, and our conversations grew in depth and diversity (though my waxing skills did not improve. Dad told me I was not very good).

Today, my Dad would have turned 64, and I celebrate with good memories, old photos that make me smile, and his love always in my heart.

Beams of Love

I know not how it falls on me,

This summer evening, hushed and lone;

Yet the faint wind comes soothingly

With something of an olden tone.

-Emily Bronte, 1839

Are my prayers a little off? Am I asking for the wrong things or do I just need to remain in patience and faith? It's tough to know for sure, though Jesus tells us "until now you have asked nothing in my name. Ask, and you will receive, that your joy may be full." (John 16.24)

So, if I was truly asking in Jesus' name, shouldn't I see some sort of clue? Some piece? Maybe the piece is right in front of me and I am looking right through it like translucent glass. Or maybe I am too focused on a piece that I can't see the surrounding situations that are forming, framing, and grafting the puzzle together.

I don't want to be blocking any of God's 'beams of love', as William Blake called them. What I realize is- I might be doing that without much thought.

Prayer is about listening to God, as well as talking with Him. Why do I not do this more? Why would I chose to shut out the beams of love? Sometimes, I think we get so caught up in our own selves, it's borderline narcissistic. But it's not about you, or me.

Fine Details

During my week in Highlands, NC I read through Hebrews. Taking two chapters at a time, it actually worked out perfectly, so that my last morning I finished the book. Each morning after eating breakfast I would take my cup of coffee and Bible outside to the front porch and sit on the rocking chair looking to the lake and read.

A reminder I need is that all we need is God for our lives. He is the provider of all things good and has always been exactly the same. We change, but God does not. On my last morning in Highlands I read:

Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever. Do not be led away by diverse and strange teachings, for it is good for the heart to be strengthened by grace, not by foods, which have not benefited those devoted to them. -Hebrews 13.8

Sometimes I think I forget, or rather, neglect to recollect, that no matter what happens or where I am, God will provide all I need. I shouldn't worry about my life, family, job, home or my next meal. Do the birds worry about their next meal? (See Matthew 6.25-27)

I have no idea what is in store next, but I have confidence in the God who is in control of every matter, even those little things I may pray about (Lord please help me get through this day at work). If God didn't care about every exiguous detail of life, why would He create such unique and complex organisms? It seems to me that God likes those fine details. He's the master of them.

Celebrating 100 Posts!

Can you believe it?
I have posted more than 100 entries!

Writing is my passion. It is a part of who I am. Everywhere I go and everything I do is a potential building block to my next journal entry or story. Words are a powerful tool to reach people with the love of God in ways that make them think deeply or differently. Any skill I have in weaving together an entry, poem, story, or memory is due to the great, rich blessing that God has granted me.

I am not great, but through God I can do great things. God has given me this passion for a reason, and I will always write, with a joy and thankfulness in my heart that I am even capable of this responsible task of putting thoughts on paper (or on a blog) and that those words are worthy enough of being read by others.

Thank you for being a reader of my blog.  It's such a joy to know you are out there...

Blessings,
-Kacie

Grace be with all who love our Lord Jesus Christ with love incorruptible.

-Ephesians 6.24

A Brain on Vacation

One day last week I stepped out of my office building on Main Street to take my lunch break. I saw a lady approach her nice black BMW 5-Series, parallel parked outside my building. She tried to get into her car, but suddenly she looked ahead 2 cars and saw that she picked the wrong car. That wasn't her car! Her car was a deep blue 525. She looked flustered and she hurriedly scrambled to get to her car, hoping nobody noticed. It made me chuckle as I slowly walked along the sidewalk. Thanks to that lady with the BMW for a good laugh, and the reassurance that I may not be the only one with their brain on vacation.

Since May, I have had a trip just about every two weeks. I'd be at work no more than two weeks and go on another trip. Savannah, England, Savannah and North Carolina, North Carolina. I have been on the go and traveling so much that I feel out of place being in one spot now.

Needless to say, my brain has taken a vacation and it's expecting another trip. Being confined in an office all day is agonizing. My brain still tries to escape to Oxford with its architecture (dreaming spires) and bookstores or North Carolina with the fresh air and hiking up mountains...

Life is not all play and no work, this I know. But do you ever feel like this? Where it feels strange to be in one place after being here and there for awhile? I feel like I should be getting ready for my next trip. So, where should that be?
Hmmm.....

Don't Underestimate the Power of Game Time

What is your idea of a fun evening activity with the family? If you are with my family, there is a good chance you will be sitting around the dining room table with an interesting game in front of you. My oldest brother, Jason, is an avid game-collector. He has stacks and stacks of games like Settlers of Catan, Shogun, Ticket to Ride, Pandemic, Carcassonne, Apples to Apples, Blokus, &c. He has people over to his house all the time to play games. His eyes sparkle if you ask him to play.

Usually, when my family is all together, Jason will gently hint to everyone that we could play a game if we wanted to. That really means he is eager to play some games and is looking for some counterparts. Knowing that it will be a good time, we all consent. Many laughs commence. Popcorn made. Peanut M&Ms snacked on. Hours later, late into the night, we are still there.

Most people tend to think of board games as something only kids partake in. But there is something so engaging about playing games, whether it be simple "children's" games or complex strategic games. It gets your mind working in ways you normally don't indulge in as an adult. It awakens your creativity and your childhood memories. It requires you to dig deep into that inner-child. It also helps you let go of all the stress of your daily work life while focusing on something totally unrelated. I love the way playing games can bring everyone together. It doesn't require special skills or knowledge. You might be great at trivia but lose to your younger brother, or in my case, I might be good with words and spelling, but I can never win a game of Bananagrams (honestly, I have never won). Yet I love playing that game.

During high school and most of college, I worked as a counselor every summer at my church's summer camp for elementary aged kids. A lot of them needed a good influence in their young lives and I was glad to be someone to encourage them. At the beginning and the end of the day, we would bring out a whole cart of games. A huge selection of games was at their disposal. They could pick a game and play with other kids, or with the counselors. Some of my fondest memories are of when I would sit Indian-style on the carpet and just play a game with one child, or a group.

During this game time, I found that the kids would open up to me as they played. They would sit and talk to me and share stories about their family and their life. Oftentimes I would find myself playing games with some of the boys who tended to cause trouble during the day. That one-on-one attention is exactly what they were so desperate for, and trust me, they didn't forget that I was the one to sit and listen to them. That's how I became friends with the kids. I spent everyday with them and got to know them over a whole summer, and following summers when they would return. I wasn't the mean counselor who was there to put them in time-out if they didn't listen. I was there to be a friend. But it was that game time that offered the opportunity to reach them. To hear their troubles and thoughts. To offer encouragement and reminders of good morals and behavior. That is the time they truly listened to me, too. Over games of Mancala and Uno.

Don't underestimate the power of game time.

The Street

Spiritually hungry souls

Are wandering to and fro

Along the same streets

You walk down to meet

A friend, a soul, you know

It takes a lifetime to grow

I see a man so down

I wonder why he hangs around

Mumbling all the while to himself

Is he afraid to seek help?

Or is he trapped in a state of despair

While the rest of us wander here and there

Sidewalks end and sidewalks meet

Heavy questions pondered on the street

Soli Deo gloria

"To God alone be the glory'

Resting on my piano is a book of sheet music of J.S. Bach open to some Minuets that I have been learning, playing, and memorizing. In the 16th century, J.S. Bach affixed the initials SDG (Soli Deo gloria) at the bottom of all his manuscripts as a reminder of this idea that it is God alone who should receive glory for all the wonders of creation.

I wonder how each of us can affix a reminder in our daily life that God and God alone is to receive all the glory. When we start to think that any talent or gift we have is possible by our own good nature, we walk a perilous path. Our gifts are only possible because God planted that seed in you so it can be used....
For His glory.

Soli Deo gloria.

Coffee

Mug from Malaprop's Bookstore/Cafe, Asheville

You could say that I like coffee

Which seems like an understatement

At 8 AM when I feel like a tangled ball of yarn

Coffee is good for brain work

And I find myself seeking evidence

That the gears are turning and turning

Not idle and complacent

Recollect

Do you think ahead with wonder

With a curiosity and hunger

Of what may soon occur?

It befalls us with a blur

Before we notice it is gone

And then we muse later on...

Can you recollect a time

When the moment was sublime

And you wished the scene would freeze

So you could memorize and believe

That the moment was almost perfect...

Do you capture times of laughter

In moments wrapped in rapture

With someone your heart recollects

As one with whom to connect

All the world's adventures...

Like tiny petals falling while in bloom

The memories whisk away some gloom

And land gently where oft

They collect in my thoughts

Whiteside Mountain

Hiking shoes and workout clothes- check

Backpack with water and sunscreen- check

Olympus camera- of course

Walking stick- found along the way

Get into nature. A two-hour hike up and around the top of Whiteside in the clean mountain air will do it nicely. Birds chirping, bees very busy going from flower to flower, buzzing across our path back and forth. I was a little afraid one of them might bump into me while crossing my path and get upset that I disrupted his schedule of getting to his next flower. Gladly, that did not occur, but at the top a young boy somehow got his finger stung and wasn't too happy about it.

We sat on rocks on one of the cliff lookout spots eating bananas and granola. The views are breathtaking, with lookout after lookout along the way. There are "off-the-beaten-track" paths that lead out to cliff lookouts without railings. Not recommended for those faint of heart. Heights don't bother me, but when you are suddenly at a slanted rock that drops off and there are no railings, you tread carefully. But it's so amazing to sit there looking out toward mountains and down at lakes and dense firs from 4,930 feet.

Tomorrow morning we plan to make another trek up Whiteside. The start of the trail is just five miles away from our house, and definitely worth the climb up the trail to the top.

Oh How Sweet It Is In Highlands

Our home for the week, viewed from the lake

There is something about being in the mountains that makes me feel almost a million miles away from reality, where all the real life troubles just kind of fade to grey and I can breathe.

This morning I stepped outside the front door of our gorgeous house (ours for a week) in Highlands, North Carolina. Ryan and Sam were already sitting out on the porch in the rocking chairs. A lovely sweet scent greeted me as I stepped outside. A cool morning, hushed, and still. The flowers had just woken up and opened to the daylight, sharing their sweetness with us. I breathed deep.

Oh how sweet it is. The simple thing of the morning, where a new day is beginning and the dew is glistening and the birds waking and chatting with one another. Where the mist is lifting to let the sun come in between the tall trees. I brought my mug of coffee and my Bible out on the porch and sat on the rocking chair. I could have stayed there for a long while, and I would have if we weren't getting ready for a morning hike. So, I read 2 chapters in Hebrews, drank my coffee, and enjoyed the mountain morning.

Life = Gift

Life is so short. Enjoy every second. I struggle sometimes to trust in God that the choices I make are along the right path for me. A sense of fear holds me back, I think, and restricts my sight. I want to always love life, and share that love with everyone I know.

Each moment I spend with family and close friends is so precious to me. The past 2 years has changed me and the outlook I held. Through the sadness and loss I have endured I have come to know that life is such a gift and that it is my choice whether to be happy or not. Yes, sadness will occur. Darkness will surround me. But all the while God is with me, even if those I love are not.

I have so much to hope for and look forward to. My life doesn't diminish in importance if I stumble or fail. I pray for certain things but God knows what is best. He sees my tears, fears, and questions and I know that all things will work out if I stay constant in faith. Even my doubts disappear when I remember that God is bigger than all the sadness and darkness I have ever felt.

The Lord is with you when you are with Him. If you seek Him,

He will be found by you. -2 Chronicles 15.2