Cold Weather Bliss

Cold weather, to me as a Floridian, is anything below 60 degrees. It gets to be colder on singular days here, even dipping into the 40s or the upper 30s (sometimes it happens!).

But it is a day here and a day there. It sticks around about as long as snow would. A split second. Then there are a few days of warming up. So when it is actually cold here, I take advantage by clothing myself in all the cold weather favourites. Tall boots, scarf, jacket. And if it's really cold- mitts.

Perhaps I appreciate the cold so much because what we have here is warm humidity almost all the time. And the grass is always greener....

So, I indulge in another cup of coffee/tea as I sit at home with my glass door open and my crochet booties warming my feet. I curl up with a blanket that I crocheted and read a good book. No A/C running, just the chilly air coming in and the outside sounds of quiet, or chirping birds, or maybe someone's heat?

Strange as it may sound, I was made for the colder air. If given a choice I would rather be cold than hot. The heat makes me feel ill. Being cold makes me add layers, or go on a walk, or drink something hot.
Easy peasy.

So what am I doing tonight? Thinking about the cold air that is traveling south to greet me tomorrow.

Your Story

Look to me when the sky is blue
or when you seek to follow what is true.
When the lonely thoughts in you appear
open your heart and I'll draw near.

But accept me you must; I am no toy
I am not entertainment; I am joy.
What I want for you is a love so full
it soaks into others, even the toughest soul.

My love for you reaches depths you couldn't know.
As much as you occupy time and try to grow
what you have at this moment is what you need
to accomplish something grand, or plant a tiny seed.

For everything you have can be used for my glory
but I won't force you as the author of your story.

Florida Southern we thee love...

Last Friday I got to visit with some close friends from college. They were all in town for Christmas to stay with family who lives in or near this area. So we got together here, where we all became so close, and spent hours walking around campus at Florida Southern, noticing all the changes and improvements made since we last were on campus. This campus has changed a lot since we lived there. New buildings, old buildings restored, lots of new vegetation, beautification projects everywhere like gardens and fountains. It was a chilly day, which I thought was perfect for being outside.

Then we realized that it was ten years ago that we had completed the first semester of our freshman year living in the dorm that we are standing in front of in the photo above. This is about the time we all became friends. Jen and I were roommates and already friends from High School, but we hadn't known Chancie and Lindsay until this time about ten years ago.

As we walked around we laughed at stories and memories from certain places on campus. We hummed the Alma mater, attempted to fly a kite in front of the library, and pointed out all the little things that have changed. All of us are proud of Florida Southern and we loved our time here. I am extremely thankful I had the opportunity to study here and have such a good experience, and I am also deeply thankful for these girls that I have as friends.

Merry Christmas!

A tree at Florida Southern decorated with ornaments. 

Merry Christmas to you!
May the joy of Jesus' birth settle in your heart, with musings on the love that we have and the love that we give out. Christmas is a reminder that although God does not need us, He wants us so much He gave His only son as the atonement for our sins. This is the kind of unrelenting love we have and do nothing to deserve. That's the joy of this day. The joy we have in Jesus.

Truly He taught us to love one another;
His law is love and His gospel is peace.
Chains shall He break for the slave is our brother;
And in His name all oppression shall cease.
Sweet hymns of joy in grateful chorus raise we,
Let all within us praise His holy name.
Christ is the Lord! O praise His Name forever,
His power and glory evermore proclaim.
His power and glory evermore proclaim.

-"O Holy Night"

Some say that ever 'gainst that season comes
Wherein our Saviour's birth is celebrated,
The bird of dawning singeth all night long:
And then, they say, no spirit dare stir abroad;
The nights are wholesome; then no planets strike,
No fairy takes, no witch power to charm,
So hallow'd and gracious is the time.

-William Shakespeare, Hamlet

Hallelujah Chorus
My favourite YouTube Christmas video is this flash mob at the shopping mall, where an incredible choir bursts into the Hallelujah Chorus. You have probably seen it. But it's something I could watch and listen to again and again. Watching peoples' reactions and smiles and hearing the harmonizing voices bounce off the shopping mall's walls is so neat.

Glory to God

Wonderful Counselor,
Mighty God,
Everlasting Father,
Prince of Peace.
-Isaiah 9.6

Is this Christmas weekend greeting you with a merry heart?
I have a merry heart deep inside, but on the outside I am dashing to and fro at work and at home, trying to finish what I need to finish. I am not feeling frantic. I am done with all shopping and wrapping and such. It's just items on my to-do list that need time and attention.

Time. We always say we need more time. But if we all had more time we would just fill it with more stuff that wastes time. I was talking with someone recently about all the advances in technology, and how the original thought was the addition of computers and technology was going to increase our leisure time so much that we would have to create more leisurely things to do with our time because the computers would be doing the work for us. Well, that hypothesis is way off. So much so that we actually have less free time now because we have all the different ways in which to keep in touch, and to keep up with. We don't just have phones. We have phones that email, text, access the internet, blogs, social sites that we have to keep connected to. We walked right into it. Could we walk back out of it? I could.

But I have gone off on a tangent, which is what happens now that we are forced to multi-task in everything we do since we don't have time to devote to one thing at a time. My whole day at work is full of multi-tasking. Not only do I have two computer screens so I can have several programs up on screen at once, but I also have about 3-4 different tabs of files open and sometimes several emails open to respond to. Oh yes, it's a multi-tasking world. No wonder we can't stop to focus.

But only ONE thing matters. Only ONE love is at the core of my being, and He is born on Christmas Day. The impact of this baby altered everything, for the evil in this world did not expect God to come down as a little helpless baby, who can smile, cry, and hurt like all of us. This love is what conquers and makes evil stumble, because the evil cannot understand love. This self-sacrificing, outward, God-love is unfathomable to those who have chosen to distance themselves from Him. And while Jesus was born like us, small, and dependent, the three-in-one God of the universe is the wonderful counselor, mighty God, the everlasting father, the prince of peace. Glory to God!

Keep Christmas

But when they find cards from any to whom they have not sent, then they beat their breasts and wail and utter curses against the sender; and, having sufficiently lamented their misfortune, they put on their boots again and go out into the fog and rain and buy a card for him also......For Exmas and the rush distract the minds even of the few from sacred things. And we indeed are glad that men should make merry at Christmas; but in Exmas there is no merriment left.
-C.S. Lewis

Are you getting caught up in the bustle of Christmas? You might be getting this season backwards. You might be celebrating a completely separate consumer holiday that doesn't have anything to do with Jesus' birth.

C.S. Lewis wrote a couple of short articles about this that made me chuckle at his sarcasm because he wrote about the trap we all fall into (he calls it Exmas), and he wrote with clear annoyance at the whole consumerism craze of this season. He wrote about how we focus so much on getting gifts for people we barely know (like people in the office) and how we buy things for people that we would never buy for ourselves, but the shopkeepers are so good at presenting the item in a way that attracts sales because the shopkeepers have created this great scheme to begin with.

Lewis also writes with disdain about how crowded the shops get, and how much all the bustle stresses us out. But we must do it, right? Because there is a sense of obligation to buy gifts for everyone we have ever met. But where does this sense of obligation coming from?

Then, alas, we complete our shopping and can relax! Right? Well, the following day someone you forgot to buy a gift for gives you a gift! Oh no! Now you must drag yourself out into the cold and the crowds to buy something that person will never use....
All in the spirit of giving, right?

Oh, the joy of the season. 
Wait.
Are you experiencing the real joy of the season? Being able to do that means doing the opposite of what the world tells us to do. It involves stopping. Listening. Reading Scripture. Musing on the real joy that is through Jesus and what His coming here to earth really means for us.
Keep Christmas, not Exmas.

Every Piece

If you are not firm in faith
you will not be firm at all.
Isaiah 7.9

This week hasn't been so bad, even though it is one of those crazy busy weeks where you don't know if you are coming or going. Considering the hectic and stressful atmosphere at work (and the fact that yesterday management suddenly decided to have our entire department move up to the third floor, which means we had to move all our own computers and everything upstairs, and then set them back up! It was crazy.), I am pretty easily letting all of that slide off of me, like a piece of silk brushing off my skin. There are more important matters at hand. Truthfully, it's not all that surprising because I have been slowly learning to acknowledge God in many more little moments I normally would not think of. These are things for which I would naturally have the attitude "I can handle this". I deceive myself when I have this attitude.

By acknowledging God in every little thing though, I am making the choice to seek Him instead of relying on me and my emotion of that moment. God tells us to cast our burdens on Him, and He means it.  I find when I do this, my mind becomes clear of worry and my writing flows out of me with no footnotes of burdens.

Every piece of my life.
Even the smallest things.
Give it to God.

That's what I have been working on.
It is almost harder to give away the things that I think I can take care of on my own. But I am learning that my strength and wisdom is never as good as God's. It's not consistent, and I fail. So, the lesson I am learning is to lean hard into God, and not on my own understanding.

Notes from a Class Nerd

"I should like to have some adventures," added the young lady. "I don't want a dull droning life."
"You may be gratified," replied the Duke, "Be in no hurry - you are young enough yet, life is only just opening."

-Charlotte Brontë

I am an over-prepared class nerd. My online class at the University of Oxford is a month away, but I am ready. The book I ordered is here, and it is a serious book about the Brontës. Everything you might need to know is in this heavy book! (All the other required books that I needed I already have. Not shocking, is it?)
All the books for class are stacked and ready to be delved into. My blank notebook is anxiously awaiting the day when I get to take notes. I am mentally ready to learn more about literature, life, history!

Where you like that in school? Always prepared? Or always forgetting your homework?

I was the one who always had my books, my homework complete, plenty of paper, extra pencils or pens, my calculator, etc... I have always been super organized and prepared. Another word that people used to describe me?
Nerdy.

Even if people meant it in a derogatory manner, I never took it the wrong way, and I still don't. It's just who I am. I can't help it.  God made me to be zealous for writing & literature, learning, and being organized! So why did I let it all go so long without pursuing it? I am not sure. I don't know why we do the things we do sometimes. Perhaps I never felt myself "good" enough or knowledgeable enough in English. My English teachers and professors didn't always like my writing. I may not have been persuasive enough, or cover my argument well enough.
So what? That's what practice is for. For improvement and extension of skills.
So here I am, jumping back in. And I am really excited.

Foggy Thoughts

By day the Lord commands his steadfast love,
and at night his song is with me,
a prayer to the God of my life.
-Psalm 42.8

Morning fog rolled in over the weekend. I woke up earlier than I really needed to, but it was refreshing. Do you ever do that? Wake before you need to just because you want to take a deep breath and watch the fog rise slowly as the sun rises?

The morning fog was accompanied by a chill in the air. Opening my sliding glass door I let the wisps of fog enter in. The coffee is brewing. Bible on my lap. This is the way to start the day.

It is quiet, save for a few birds who woke with me, chirping to one another. People are sleeping in, so it seems. Pouring my coffee into a mug, I now dive back into Acts, where I left Paul and all his travels, visiting towns, encouraging disciples, and preaching boldly. Every time I read Acts I get a deeper sense of the sacrifice the first Christians endured. They are charged with the task of spreading the good news of Jesus, and were met with a variety of emotions from each place they visited (some angry, some welcoming). They kept up their courage and shook the dust off their feet whenever they were mistreated. They trusted in Jesus utterly and completely for everything. We are charged with the same task today but our world looks different and knows a lot more. In many cases people already know who Jesus is but choose not to make room for Him. We, too, can be mistreated because of our faith. Yet, we should also shake the dust off our feet because our Christian brothers and sisters all over the world endure the same trials as us, if not worse.

Soak in the Light

 

Light dawns in the darkness for the upright;
He is gracious, merciful, and righteous.
Psalm 112.4

I am thankful. The Lord has provided all I need, down to the little tiny things, like this cup of coffee right in front of me. I love sitting in a coffee shop. So much might be going on around me but somehow I feel like I have my space. I sit here at this gleaming wooden table with my journal, scribbling away my thoughts, now translated to you in this post.

The conversations around me are muffled by the carpet, so I can hear my thoughts. The lighting is comfortable and the windows allow sunshine to provide a glow. The majority of people are here for coffee and working on laptops. By the time I leave, it is very quiet, since it's the afternoon now. College students? Career person on a break? I like guessing about what people are up to.

I am sitting at a table for two. The lamp above is casting a glow on my page. My coffee is delicious. My favourite in this city. Mixed with a little half n half and a sprinkle of cinnamon. Perfect.

This little escape is exactly what I need. A light in my day.
A little bit of light can go a long way.

So I soak in the light. The good.
And I let Jesus fill me. I am His.

Missing You

Missing you today
So many like this
far off and away
but this is something else.
I know you couldn't stay.

Strangely it was a time
I did not understand
one that isn't mine.
And in the solitary moments
I am anything but fine.

I miss you but you're gone
and nothing can replace
a story that feels undone
with sorrow rising like steam.
Every now and then it comes.

Missing you today
But sorrow keeps me not away.

As the Ruin Falls

All this flashy rhetoric about loving you.
I never had a selfless thought since I was born.
I am mercenary and self-seeking through and through:
I want God, you, all friends, merely to serve my turn.

Peace, re-assurance, pleasure, are the goals I seek,
I cannot crawl one inch outside my proper skin:
I talk of love -- a scholar's parrot may talk Greek--
But, self-imprisioned, always end where I begin.

Only that now you have taught me (but how late) my lack
I see the chasm. And everything you are was making
My heart into a bridge by which I might get back
From exile, and grow man. And now the bridge is breaking.

For this I bless you as the ruin falls. The pains
You give me are more precious than all other gains.

-"As the Ruin Falls", C.S. Lewis

I must frustrate God so much. I can imagine that my behavior or thoughts must be so (for lack of a proper word) wishy-washy. Or, I guess I could say, emotional and affected by circumstance. One minute I am confident and content. The next minute I question everything about myself, my talents and abilities. Then I am reading Scripture and meditating on passages. Next thing I know I am slacking because I am too busy with something else. All this time I have this sense of "deserving" mentality (as we all do). But what do I do to deserve God's love? Absolutely nothing.

Yes, I helped the old lady through the doorway in the restaurant. But then an hour later I find myself growing impatient in the grocery line when it is so slow and I was in a rush. Everything good we do is accompanied by a many sinful things we do. And this goes on and on. Because we are human. We fail. We fall. We stumble.

I am not going to pretend that I don't have this "deserving" outlook. It is tucked away inside me so deep that I hardly realize it's there, until someone says something to me that puts me on edge. Or I will hear someone talking about their own version of how they deserve "this" or "that" to happen. And it brings to light my own feelings inside about this, and how I am wrong.

The greed to be loved is a fearful thing. -C.S. Lewis

No matter where in life we are, this is something we all struggle with, and yet do we find ourselves turning naturally to God for love, or to something else? This is the part that gets us. I resonate with the line from Lewis' poem; how we cannot crawl even one inch outside our own skin. We are safe and complacent inside our own selfish selves. We too often do not turn to the only One who can fill us with love. It's like we enjoy going on in self pity and hollowness. Why do we self inflict ourselves with misery?

God is right there. And right here. And He loves us.

The Hotel/Prison Theory

This problem of suffering has been a topic largely on my mind, in my reading, and in discussion with some people lately. It is a problem we all must experience. No one is exempt from suffering in this world, and most of us do not understand why the good are allowed to suffer.

A few questions on that note, just to get some wheels spinning:
1. How do we determine what is good?
2. Why do we think we deserve only good things to happen and not receive punishment while we continue to sin?

Increasingly, I am drawn to the setting that C.S. Lewis created about how we should view this world. He says, "Imagine a set of people all living in the same building. Half think it is a hotel, the other half think it is a prison. Those who think it a hotel might regard it as quite intolerable, and those who thought it was a prison might decide that it was really surprisingly comfortable. So that what seems the ugly doctrine is one that comforts and strengthens you in the end."

I love the wisdom of C.S. Lewis. It is so simple, and yet, I never thought of that until I read his essay. Now I think of that hotel/prison scene a lot. Basically he says the moment you are in trouble if you realize it as a punishment, it becomes easier to bear.  The wisdom of the Bible is there, too, for us to learn from. Perhaps the story of Job can help us understand why God allows suffering. Evil entered this world, which God allowed to happen. And with that, God allowed free-will because He knows that a forced love is not true. Therefore, we all have to make choices that draw us closer to God or closer to Satan.

God allowed Satan to plague Job with suffering, and Job had the choice of keeping faith in God, or letting it all fall by the wayside. This story shows that the love of God is stronger than anything Satan may be able to devise against us. Job may not have understood why it was happening, but God pointed out that he didn't need to. Job is not God. God is the only one who knows and understands everything. All the moving parts are moving by the fingers of God.

Christmas Music

  This weekend I went to two Christmas orchestra concerts! I really love this time of year because there are more opportunities for live music, which I love, and don't get enough of. On Saturday, my Mom and I got dressed up and went to The Singing Christmas Tree in Sarasota, which is a musical event at the downtown Baptist Church with orchestra, a choir who sits in the gigantic tree on stage, and some actors who plays out a Christmas story. We sat in the balcony with a bird's eye view. It was a good show, with some entertaining parts. The pastor was a hoot.

Then Sunday afternoon my church back in Lakeland had their annual Christmas concert with their full orchestra, several choirs (including an a capella choir that is spectacular), and bells. My brother and sister-in-law came with me, and we sat in the balcony. I am constantly amazed at the musical talent my church has. It is really incredible. There is something about live music (especially such amazing talent) that is so engaging. I get lost in the music. The harmonization of instruments or voices is the best part to me. The Bible has countless passages about praising God with voice and song and instrument, and I imagine that the beautiful music we experience here is only a tiny taste of the heavenly songs that are to come.

Movement

Today, you took a step. You either moved closer to or further away from what you hope to be. Most people moved further away. A handful overcame the negative inertia of this fallen world and moved forward. But nobody- nobody- stood still.
-Andy Stanley

We are all moving somewhere. Even the act of standing still is choosing to move, possibly in a negative direction by a centimeter. You cannot even feel it but it's there. Movement. Each decision or non-decision we make is a choice. Either way it is a decision. Deciding not to act is deciding not to act. And taking a step is a daring feat.

I am not the most daring person. A reserved, thoughtful nature is in my natural persona, but that does not mean I should be timid in my decisions. I think when I realized this movement concept, that we all took a step today, it kicked my mind into a new gear. We all have desires and dreams in our hearts. We take steps when necessary to make them happen, and sometimes we wait patiently for direction.

So how do we know when it is right to act or to wait patiently?
The answer is simple. Converse with God about all aspects of your life. Through prayer and reading Scripture, you will be immersed in His words, which opens yourself up to hearing God. Don't just hand over the big stuff (like my dream to own a small used bookstore one day), but hand over everything to Him. Hand over your meeting at work. Hand over the time spent with family. Hand over your conversation with someone.

It kind of seems strange, to give up control when this world tells us to take control over everything. But that's what the life of a Christian is comprised of. Going against the lies of the world is part of the challenge we face. But as a Christian, you know that with God in charge, anything is possible.

Old-Fashioned or Modern?

I said to my soul, be still, and let the dark come upon you
which shall be the darkness of God....
I said to my soul, be still, and wait without hope
For hope would be hope for the wrong thing;
wait without love
For love would be love of the wrong thing;
there is yet faith
But the faith and the love and the hope are all in the waiting.

-T.S.Eliot

It is interesting how T.S. Eliot influenced poetry. Eliot was born in America but moved to England in 1914 to attend Oxford University. He wasn't fond of university towns, so he preferred to be in London most of the time. He naturalized as a British citizen in 1927. He came into the scene with this new form of modern poetry (called Modernist) that C.S. Lewis was, at first, not fond of. But C.S. Lewis was a lover of the past, and had deep apprehension about where the world was heading (perhaps that is why he did not enjoy many modern things). I read an interview Lewis gave in the 1950s and he expressed his desire for the "old-fashioned" and saw the some churches and Christians heading down a dangerous path of accepting everything modern because they didn't want to offend others. He acknowledged the need to stand up for what is right when necessary, and not just let it slid because we are to love our neighbors. As the years went on, Lewis actually met T.S. Eliot and liked him very much. His writing grew on Lewis, and he enjoyed the poetry even though it wasn't what he automatically was drawn to.

Eliot is regarded as one of the best poets of the 20th century, and his stream of consciousness style of writing is a characteristic of the modernist movement in poetry, which offers an interesting flow inside the mind of the subject as you read. Most interesting is the contrast of his poems before and after he became an Anglican Christian. His later poems clearly address the deep spiritual questions and struggles of a Christian, like this passage above.

C.S. Lewis and T.S. Eliot have very different writing styles, but they are each used in their talents, for the glory of God. You may not like the old-fashioned stuff because it is harder to understand. The modern poems might be more approachable to you, but each poet has deeply moving poetry that makes me think and read again to let it soak in. The meaning behind, the meaning before, and the meaning deep within.

Enter

Bright day brewing like my coffee
warm and subdued, gently
meandering me into the day
greeting me with hues outside.

Pick up the pace, says the wind
as it brushes against my skin,
midway through the day.

Focus on me, whom you cannot see,
whispers softly dwell within me
to put everything else away

So much to lay down, can I really
empty myself of what I carry
and set it at Your feet?

My clasp is tight due to the weight
but with fists I cannot open the gate
so I make the choice to open,
enter, and leave it all behind.

Crafty

I may or may not be getting a little bit crafty for this Christmas season. I am not the craftiest girl, but I do enjoy making things every now and then. Somehow, something homemade just means something special with the time and effort put into a project. I crocheted some fingerless mitts the other night, just because. Sometimes I just sit down and start making something. No pattern. Sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes it starts as one thing, and turns into something else!

When I was a teenager I created my own label name for all the little fashion drawings I would create. It was called "Kacie's Creations". These little drawings were of no high quality. Drawing has never been my forte. But I have always enjoyed putting outfits together because I could get creative, using many pieces in a multitude of ways. Anyway, I made these little tags for a few of the crafty things I am making as gifts. Just to bring back that old name I created so long ago.

December!

I cannot believe it is December already! The month of November literally felt like a week long, and now it's gone! And I cannot tell you where it went. Do you feel the same?

This morning, it's not feeling much like December, or at least, the December I have in my mind. December should be cold and bright. I suppose the weather is providing the bright part, but it is forgetting about the other aspect, the cold. I will say that it is not unbearable, it's quite pleasant, in fact. If it were summer I would be ecstatic that it was so pleasant at 75 degrees! However, it is December, and I expect great things from this month. And by great things, I mean days where I need to wear boots and a scarf all day and where I have to go inside to warm up (rather than go inside to cool off).

November played a trick on me. It brought this cool air down for a few weeks, and I let my guard down, thinking- Alright! We are in the cold front pattern where every few days we get another shot of cool air! Alas, I was tricked. And so were you!

Anyway, all that to say, December is just beginning, so there is plenty of time! Downtown is fully decorated to wish passersby a Merry Christmas, which is especially pretty at night. So, happy December!