Cold Weather Bliss

Cold weather, to me as a Floridian, is anything below 60 degrees. It gets to be colder on singular days here, even dipping into the 40s or the upper 30s (sometimes it happens!).

But it is a day here and a day there. It sticks around about as long as snow would. A split second. Then there are a few days of warming up. So when it is actually cold here, I take advantage by clothing myself in all the cold weather favourites. Tall boots, scarf, jacket. And if it's really cold- mitts.

Perhaps I appreciate the cold so much because what we have here is warm humidity almost all the time. And the grass is always greener....

So, I indulge in another cup of coffee/tea as I sit at home with my glass door open and my crochet booties warming my feet. I curl up with a blanket that I crocheted and read a good book. No A/C running, just the chilly air coming in and the outside sounds of quiet, or chirping birds, or maybe someone's heat?

Strange as it may sound, I was made for the colder air. If given a choice I would rather be cold than hot. The heat makes me feel ill. Being cold makes me add layers, or go on a walk, or drink something hot.
Easy peasy.

So what am I doing tonight? Thinking about the cold air that is traveling south to greet me tomorrow.

Your Story

Look to me when the sky is blue
or when you seek to follow what is true.
When the lonely thoughts in you appear
open your heart and I'll draw near.

But accept me you must; I am no toy
I am not entertainment; I am joy.
What I want for you is a love so full
it soaks into others, even the toughest soul.

My love for you reaches depths you couldn't know.
As much as you occupy time and try to grow
what you have at this moment is what you need
to accomplish something grand, or plant a tiny seed.

For everything you have can be used for my glory
but I won't force you as the author of your story.

Florida Southern we thee love...

Last Friday I got to visit with some close friends from college. They were all in town for Christmas to stay with family who lives in or near this area. So we got together here, where we all became so close, and spent hours walking around campus at Florida Southern, noticing all the changes and improvements made since we last were on campus. This campus has changed a lot since we lived there. New buildings, old buildings restored, lots of new vegetation, beautification projects everywhere like gardens and fountains. It was a chilly day, which I thought was perfect for being outside.

Then we realized that it was ten years ago that we had completed the first semester of our freshman year living in the dorm that we are standing in front of in the photo above. This is about the time we all became friends. Jen and I were roommates and already friends from High School, but we hadn't known Chancie and Lindsay until this time about ten years ago.

As we walked around we laughed at stories and memories from certain places on campus. We hummed the Alma mater, attempted to fly a kite in front of the library, and pointed out all the little things that have changed. All of us are proud of Florida Southern and we loved our time here. I am extremely thankful I had the opportunity to study here and have such a good experience, and I am also deeply thankful for these girls that I have as friends.

Merry Christmas!

A tree at Florida Southern decorated with ornaments. 

Merry Christmas to you!
May the joy of Jesus' birth settle in your heart, with musings on the love that we have and the love that we give out. Christmas is a reminder that although God does not need us, He wants us so much He gave His only son as the atonement for our sins. This is the kind of unrelenting love we have and do nothing to deserve. That's the joy of this day. The joy we have in Jesus.

Truly He taught us to love one another;
His law is love and His gospel is peace.
Chains shall He break for the slave is our brother;
And in His name all oppression shall cease.
Sweet hymns of joy in grateful chorus raise we,
Let all within us praise His holy name.
Christ is the Lord! O praise His Name forever,
His power and glory evermore proclaim.
His power and glory evermore proclaim.

-"O Holy Night"

Some say that ever 'gainst that season comes
Wherein our Saviour's birth is celebrated,
The bird of dawning singeth all night long:
And then, they say, no spirit dare stir abroad;
The nights are wholesome; then no planets strike,
No fairy takes, no witch power to charm,
So hallow'd and gracious is the time.

-William Shakespeare, Hamlet

Hallelujah Chorus
My favourite YouTube Christmas video is this flash mob at the shopping mall, where an incredible choir bursts into the Hallelujah Chorus. You have probably seen it. But it's something I could watch and listen to again and again. Watching peoples' reactions and smiles and hearing the harmonizing voices bounce off the shopping mall's walls is so neat.

Glory to God

Wonderful Counselor,
Mighty God,
Everlasting Father,
Prince of Peace.
-Isaiah 9.6

Is this Christmas weekend greeting you with a merry heart?
I have a merry heart deep inside, but on the outside I am dashing to and fro at work and at home, trying to finish what I need to finish. I am not feeling frantic. I am done with all shopping and wrapping and such. It's just items on my to-do list that need time and attention.

Time. We always say we need more time. But if we all had more time we would just fill it with more stuff that wastes time. I was talking with someone recently about all the advances in technology, and how the original thought was the addition of computers and technology was going to increase our leisure time so much that we would have to create more leisurely things to do with our time because the computers would be doing the work for us. Well, that hypothesis is way off. So much so that we actually have less free time now because we have all the different ways in which to keep in touch, and to keep up with. We don't just have phones. We have phones that email, text, access the internet, blogs, social sites that we have to keep connected to. We walked right into it. Could we walk back out of it? I could.

But I have gone off on a tangent, which is what happens now that we are forced to multi-task in everything we do since we don't have time to devote to one thing at a time. My whole day at work is full of multi-tasking. Not only do I have two computer screens so I can have several programs up on screen at once, but I also have about 3-4 different tabs of files open and sometimes several emails open to respond to. Oh yes, it's a multi-tasking world. No wonder we can't stop to focus.

But only ONE thing matters. Only ONE love is at the core of my being, and He is born on Christmas Day. The impact of this baby altered everything, for the evil in this world did not expect God to come down as a little helpless baby, who can smile, cry, and hurt like all of us. This love is what conquers and makes evil stumble, because the evil cannot understand love. This self-sacrificing, outward, God-love is unfathomable to those who have chosen to distance themselves from Him. And while Jesus was born like us, small, and dependent, the three-in-one God of the universe is the wonderful counselor, mighty God, the everlasting father, the prince of peace. Glory to God!

Keep Christmas

But when they find cards from any to whom they have not sent, then they beat their breasts and wail and utter curses against the sender; and, having sufficiently lamented their misfortune, they put on their boots again and go out into the fog and rain and buy a card for him also......For Exmas and the rush distract the minds even of the few from sacred things. And we indeed are glad that men should make merry at Christmas; but in Exmas there is no merriment left.
-C.S. Lewis

Are you getting caught up in the bustle of Christmas? You might be getting this season backwards. You might be celebrating a completely separate consumer holiday that doesn't have anything to do with Jesus' birth.

C.S. Lewis wrote a couple of short articles about this that made me chuckle at his sarcasm because he wrote about the trap we all fall into (he calls it Exmas), and he wrote with clear annoyance at the whole consumerism craze of this season. He wrote about how we focus so much on getting gifts for people we barely know (like people in the office) and how we buy things for people that we would never buy for ourselves, but the shopkeepers are so good at presenting the item in a way that attracts sales because the shopkeepers have created this great scheme to begin with.

Lewis also writes with disdain about how crowded the shops get, and how much all the bustle stresses us out. But we must do it, right? Because there is a sense of obligation to buy gifts for everyone we have ever met. But where does this sense of obligation coming from?

Then, alas, we complete our shopping and can relax! Right? Well, the following day someone you forgot to buy a gift for gives you a gift! Oh no! Now you must drag yourself out into the cold and the crowds to buy something that person will never use....
All in the spirit of giving, right?

Oh, the joy of the season. 
Wait.
Are you experiencing the real joy of the season? Being able to do that means doing the opposite of what the world tells us to do. It involves stopping. Listening. Reading Scripture. Musing on the real joy that is through Jesus and what His coming here to earth really means for us.
Keep Christmas, not Exmas.

Every Piece

If you are not firm in faith
you will not be firm at all.
Isaiah 7.9

This week hasn't been so bad, even though it is one of those crazy busy weeks where you don't know if you are coming or going. Considering the hectic and stressful atmosphere at work (and the fact that yesterday management suddenly decided to have our entire department move up to the third floor, which means we had to move all our own computers and everything upstairs, and then set them back up! It was crazy.), I am pretty easily letting all of that slide off of me, like a piece of silk brushing off my skin. There are more important matters at hand. Truthfully, it's not all that surprising because I have been slowly learning to acknowledge God in many more little moments I normally would not think of. These are things for which I would naturally have the attitude "I can handle this". I deceive myself when I have this attitude.

By acknowledging God in every little thing though, I am making the choice to seek Him instead of relying on me and my emotion of that moment. God tells us to cast our burdens on Him, and He means it.  I find when I do this, my mind becomes clear of worry and my writing flows out of me with no footnotes of burdens.

Every piece of my life.
Even the smallest things.
Give it to God.

That's what I have been working on.
It is almost harder to give away the things that I think I can take care of on my own. But I am learning that my strength and wisdom is never as good as God's. It's not consistent, and I fail. So, the lesson I am learning is to lean hard into God, and not on my own understanding.

Notes from a Class Nerd

"I should like to have some adventures," added the young lady. "I don't want a dull droning life."
"You may be gratified," replied the Duke, "Be in no hurry - you are young enough yet, life is only just opening."

-Charlotte Brontë

I am an over-prepared class nerd. My online class at the University of Oxford is a month away, but I am ready. The book I ordered is here, and it is a serious book about the Brontës. Everything you might need to know is in this heavy book! (All the other required books that I needed I already have. Not shocking, is it?)
All the books for class are stacked and ready to be delved into. My blank notebook is anxiously awaiting the day when I get to take notes. I am mentally ready to learn more about literature, life, history!

Where you like that in school? Always prepared? Or always forgetting your homework?

I was the one who always had my books, my homework complete, plenty of paper, extra pencils or pens, my calculator, etc... I have always been super organized and prepared. Another word that people used to describe me?
Nerdy.

Even if people meant it in a derogatory manner, I never took it the wrong way, and I still don't. It's just who I am. I can't help it.  God made me to be zealous for writing & literature, learning, and being organized! So why did I let it all go so long without pursuing it? I am not sure. I don't know why we do the things we do sometimes. Perhaps I never felt myself "good" enough or knowledgeable enough in English. My English teachers and professors didn't always like my writing. I may not have been persuasive enough, or cover my argument well enough.
So what? That's what practice is for. For improvement and extension of skills.
So here I am, jumping back in. And I am really excited.

Foggy Thoughts

By day the Lord commands his steadfast love,
and at night his song is with me,
a prayer to the God of my life.
-Psalm 42.8

Morning fog rolled in over the weekend. I woke up earlier than I really needed to, but it was refreshing. Do you ever do that? Wake before you need to just because you want to take a deep breath and watch the fog rise slowly as the sun rises?

The morning fog was accompanied by a chill in the air. Opening my sliding glass door I let the wisps of fog enter in. The coffee is brewing. Bible on my lap. This is the way to start the day.

It is quiet, save for a few birds who woke with me, chirping to one another. People are sleeping in, so it seems. Pouring my coffee into a mug, I now dive back into Acts, where I left Paul and all his travels, visiting towns, encouraging disciples, and preaching boldly. Every time I read Acts I get a deeper sense of the sacrifice the first Christians endured. They are charged with the task of spreading the good news of Jesus, and were met with a variety of emotions from each place they visited (some angry, some welcoming). They kept up their courage and shook the dust off their feet whenever they were mistreated. They trusted in Jesus utterly and completely for everything. We are charged with the same task today but our world looks different and knows a lot more. In many cases people already know who Jesus is but choose not to make room for Him. We, too, can be mistreated because of our faith. Yet, we should also shake the dust off our feet because our Christian brothers and sisters all over the world endure the same trials as us, if not worse.

Soak in the Light

 

Light dawns in the darkness for the upright;
He is gracious, merciful, and righteous.
Psalm 112.4

I am thankful. The Lord has provided all I need, down to the little tiny things, like this cup of coffee right in front of me. I love sitting in a coffee shop. So much might be going on around me but somehow I feel like I have my space. I sit here at this gleaming wooden table with my journal, scribbling away my thoughts, now translated to you in this post.

The conversations around me are muffled by the carpet, so I can hear my thoughts. The lighting is comfortable and the windows allow sunshine to provide a glow. The majority of people are here for coffee and working on laptops. By the time I leave, it is very quiet, since it's the afternoon now. College students? Career person on a break? I like guessing about what people are up to.

I am sitting at a table for two. The lamp above is casting a glow on my page. My coffee is delicious. My favourite in this city. Mixed with a little half n half and a sprinkle of cinnamon. Perfect.

This little escape is exactly what I need. A light in my day.
A little bit of light can go a long way.

So I soak in the light. The good.
And I let Jesus fill me. I am His.

Missing You

Missing you today
So many like this
far off and away
but this is something else.
I know you couldn't stay.

Strangely it was a time
I did not understand
one that isn't mine.
And in the solitary moments
I am anything but fine.

I miss you but you're gone
and nothing can replace
a story that feels undone
with sorrow rising like steam.
Every now and then it comes.

Missing you today
But sorrow keeps me not away.

As the Ruin Falls

All this flashy rhetoric about loving you.
I never had a selfless thought since I was born.
I am mercenary and self-seeking through and through:
I want God, you, all friends, merely to serve my turn.

Peace, re-assurance, pleasure, are the goals I seek,
I cannot crawl one inch outside my proper skin:
I talk of love -- a scholar's parrot may talk Greek--
But, self-imprisioned, always end where I begin.

Only that now you have taught me (but how late) my lack
I see the chasm. And everything you are was making
My heart into a bridge by which I might get back
From exile, and grow man. And now the bridge is breaking.

For this I bless you as the ruin falls. The pains
You give me are more precious than all other gains.

-"As the Ruin Falls", C.S. Lewis

I must frustrate God so much. I can imagine that my behavior or thoughts must be so (for lack of a proper word) wishy-washy. Or, I guess I could say, emotional and affected by circumstance. One minute I am confident and content. The next minute I question everything about myself, my talents and abilities. Then I am reading Scripture and meditating on passages. Next thing I know I am slacking because I am too busy with something else. All this time I have this sense of "deserving" mentality (as we all do). But what do I do to deserve God's love? Absolutely nothing.

Yes, I helped the old lady through the doorway in the restaurant. But then an hour later I find myself growing impatient in the grocery line when it is so slow and I was in a rush. Everything good we do is accompanied by a many sinful things we do. And this goes on and on. Because we are human. We fail. We fall. We stumble.

I am not going to pretend that I don't have this "deserving" outlook. It is tucked away inside me so deep that I hardly realize it's there, until someone says something to me that puts me on edge. Or I will hear someone talking about their own version of how they deserve "this" or "that" to happen. And it brings to light my own feelings inside about this, and how I am wrong.

The greed to be loved is a fearful thing. -C.S. Lewis

No matter where in life we are, this is something we all struggle with, and yet do we find ourselves turning naturally to God for love, or to something else? This is the part that gets us. I resonate with the line from Lewis' poem; how we cannot crawl even one inch outside our own skin. We are safe and complacent inside our own selfish selves. We too often do not turn to the only One who can fill us with love. It's like we enjoy going on in self pity and hollowness. Why do we self inflict ourselves with misery?

God is right there. And right here. And He loves us.

The Hotel/Prison Theory

This problem of suffering has been a topic largely on my mind, in my reading, and in discussion with some people lately. It is a problem we all must experience. No one is exempt from suffering in this world, and most of us do not understand why the good are allowed to suffer.

A few questions on that note, just to get some wheels spinning:
1. How do we determine what is good?
2. Why do we think we deserve only good things to happen and not receive punishment while we continue to sin?

Increasingly, I am drawn to the setting that C.S. Lewis created about how we should view this world. He says, "Imagine a set of people all living in the same building. Half think it is a hotel, the other half think it is a prison. Those who think it a hotel might regard it as quite intolerable, and those who thought it was a prison might decide that it was really surprisingly comfortable. So that what seems the ugly doctrine is one that comforts and strengthens you in the end."

I love the wisdom of C.S. Lewis. It is so simple, and yet, I never thought of that until I read his essay. Now I think of that hotel/prison scene a lot. Basically he says the moment you are in trouble if you realize it as a punishment, it becomes easier to bear.  The wisdom of the Bible is there, too, for us to learn from. Perhaps the story of Job can help us understand why God allows suffering. Evil entered this world, which God allowed to happen. And with that, God allowed free-will because He knows that a forced love is not true. Therefore, we all have to make choices that draw us closer to God or closer to Satan.

God allowed Satan to plague Job with suffering, and Job had the choice of keeping faith in God, or letting it all fall by the wayside. This story shows that the love of God is stronger than anything Satan may be able to devise against us. Job may not have understood why it was happening, but God pointed out that he didn't need to. Job is not God. God is the only one who knows and understands everything. All the moving parts are moving by the fingers of God.

Christmas Music

  This weekend I went to two Christmas orchestra concerts! I really love this time of year because there are more opportunities for live music, which I love, and don't get enough of. On Saturday, my Mom and I got dressed up and went to The Singing Christmas Tree in Sarasota, which is a musical event at the downtown Baptist Church with orchestra, a choir who sits in the gigantic tree on stage, and some actors who plays out a Christmas story. We sat in the balcony with a bird's eye view. It was a good show, with some entertaining parts. The pastor was a hoot.

Then Sunday afternoon my church back in Lakeland had their annual Christmas concert with their full orchestra, several choirs (including an a capella choir that is spectacular), and bells. My brother and sister-in-law came with me, and we sat in the balcony. I am constantly amazed at the musical talent my church has. It is really incredible. There is something about live music (especially such amazing talent) that is so engaging. I get lost in the music. The harmonization of instruments or voices is the best part to me. The Bible has countless passages about praising God with voice and song and instrument, and I imagine that the beautiful music we experience here is only a tiny taste of the heavenly songs that are to come.

Movement

Today, you took a step. You either moved closer to or further away from what you hope to be. Most people moved further away. A handful overcame the negative inertia of this fallen world and moved forward. But nobody- nobody- stood still.
-Andy Stanley

We are all moving somewhere. Even the act of standing still is choosing to move, possibly in a negative direction by a centimeter. You cannot even feel it but it's there. Movement. Each decision or non-decision we make is a choice. Either way it is a decision. Deciding not to act is deciding not to act. And taking a step is a daring feat.

I am not the most daring person. A reserved, thoughtful nature is in my natural persona, but that does not mean I should be timid in my decisions. I think when I realized this movement concept, that we all took a step today, it kicked my mind into a new gear. We all have desires and dreams in our hearts. We take steps when necessary to make them happen, and sometimes we wait patiently for direction.

So how do we know when it is right to act or to wait patiently?
The answer is simple. Converse with God about all aspects of your life. Through prayer and reading Scripture, you will be immersed in His words, which opens yourself up to hearing God. Don't just hand over the big stuff (like my dream to own a small used bookstore one day), but hand over everything to Him. Hand over your meeting at work. Hand over the time spent with family. Hand over your conversation with someone.

It kind of seems strange, to give up control when this world tells us to take control over everything. But that's what the life of a Christian is comprised of. Going against the lies of the world is part of the challenge we face. But as a Christian, you know that with God in charge, anything is possible.

Old-Fashioned or Modern?

I said to my soul, be still, and let the dark come upon you
which shall be the darkness of God....
I said to my soul, be still, and wait without hope
For hope would be hope for the wrong thing;
wait without love
For love would be love of the wrong thing;
there is yet faith
But the faith and the love and the hope are all in the waiting.

-T.S.Eliot

It is interesting how T.S. Eliot influenced poetry. Eliot was born in America but moved to England in 1914 to attend Oxford University. He wasn't fond of university towns, so he preferred to be in London most of the time. He naturalized as a British citizen in 1927. He came into the scene with this new form of modern poetry (called Modernist) that C.S. Lewis was, at first, not fond of. But C.S. Lewis was a lover of the past, and had deep apprehension about where the world was heading (perhaps that is why he did not enjoy many modern things). I read an interview Lewis gave in the 1950s and he expressed his desire for the "old-fashioned" and saw the some churches and Christians heading down a dangerous path of accepting everything modern because they didn't want to offend others. He acknowledged the need to stand up for what is right when necessary, and not just let it slid because we are to love our neighbors. As the years went on, Lewis actually met T.S. Eliot and liked him very much. His writing grew on Lewis, and he enjoyed the poetry even though it wasn't what he automatically was drawn to.

Eliot is regarded as one of the best poets of the 20th century, and his stream of consciousness style of writing is a characteristic of the modernist movement in poetry, which offers an interesting flow inside the mind of the subject as you read. Most interesting is the contrast of his poems before and after he became an Anglican Christian. His later poems clearly address the deep spiritual questions and struggles of a Christian, like this passage above.

C.S. Lewis and T.S. Eliot have very different writing styles, but they are each used in their talents, for the glory of God. You may not like the old-fashioned stuff because it is harder to understand. The modern poems might be more approachable to you, but each poet has deeply moving poetry that makes me think and read again to let it soak in. The meaning behind, the meaning before, and the meaning deep within.

Enter

Bright day brewing like my coffee
warm and subdued, gently
meandering me into the day
greeting me with hues outside.

Pick up the pace, says the wind
as it brushes against my skin,
midway through the day.

Focus on me, whom you cannot see,
whispers softly dwell within me
to put everything else away

So much to lay down, can I really
empty myself of what I carry
and set it at Your feet?

My clasp is tight due to the weight
but with fists I cannot open the gate
so I make the choice to open,
enter, and leave it all behind.

Crafty

I may or may not be getting a little bit crafty for this Christmas season. I am not the craftiest girl, but I do enjoy making things every now and then. Somehow, something homemade just means something special with the time and effort put into a project. I crocheted some fingerless mitts the other night, just because. Sometimes I just sit down and start making something. No pattern. Sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes it starts as one thing, and turns into something else!

When I was a teenager I created my own label name for all the little fashion drawings I would create. It was called "Kacie's Creations". These little drawings were of no high quality. Drawing has never been my forte. But I have always enjoyed putting outfits together because I could get creative, using many pieces in a multitude of ways. Anyway, I made these little tags for a few of the crafty things I am making as gifts. Just to bring back that old name I created so long ago.

December!

I cannot believe it is December already! The month of November literally felt like a week long, and now it's gone! And I cannot tell you where it went. Do you feel the same?

This morning, it's not feeling much like December, or at least, the December I have in my mind. December should be cold and bright. I suppose the weather is providing the bright part, but it is forgetting about the other aspect, the cold. I will say that it is not unbearable, it's quite pleasant, in fact. If it were summer I would be ecstatic that it was so pleasant at 75 degrees! However, it is December, and I expect great things from this month. And by great things, I mean days where I need to wear boots and a scarf all day and where I have to go inside to warm up (rather than go inside to cool off).

November played a trick on me. It brought this cool air down for a few weeks, and I let my guard down, thinking- Alright! We are in the cold front pattern where every few days we get another shot of cool air! Alas, I was tricked. And so were you!

Anyway, all that to say, December is just beginning, so there is plenty of time! Downtown is fully decorated to wish passersby a Merry Christmas, which is especially pretty at night. So, happy December!

Sweater Season

Guess what? Sweater season has arrived! Well, if you live anywhere north of FL that season has been in place for a while. Bits and pieces of cold have come and gone as we are stuck in a roller coaster weather pattern. But now that Thanksgiving is over, the time has come for sweaters to emerge from the closet since Winter is on the mind. I pulled these sweaters out of my closet while visiting home last weekend, hoping it would soon be time to wear them. This, of course, coincides with Christmas season, presumably getting people excited about some of the materialistic aspects of Christmas. Did you go out at midnight for crazy sales after Thanksgiving? Did you battle crowds to go shopping?

I did not. I played tennis the morning after Thanksgiving with the siblings and we stopped at the craft store for supplies afterwards, which was busy, but I would not constitute that as a crazy shopping experience. That scene isn't really for me. The consumerism aspect of Christmas is the least important part of this time of year, and yet it quickly jumps to the top of people's to-do lists. What if everyone rearranged their priority list? 

Abide in Me

Whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him.
-Colossians 3.17

God says "abide in me". Could that mean we are to devote everything we say or do in the name of the Lord? Everything? Even getting ready in the morning, walking downtown, or grocery shopping?
Abide in me.

Paul reiterates this in his letter to the Colossians, reminding them that in order to abide in Christ they are to devote everything they do and say to God. What has hit me lately in my musing, is how these early Christians turned the world upside down, toppling the Roman Empire that crucified Jesus by way of changing their lifestyles and being bold about going against the grain of the world.

Jesus' teachings taught them this, and we are to do the same. They made sacrifices and looked foolish sometimes, in ways that people did not understand. The kindness of the early Christians astounded people. Their actions caused people to ask why they chose to live that way. They shared the life of Jesus without fear because they knew what Jesus did and how it fulfilled prophesy and changed everything. Do we dare follow suit?

Psalm 16

Read all of Psalm 16

The Lord is my chosen portion and my cup;
you hold my lot.
The lines have fallen for me in pleasant place;
indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance.

-Psalm 16.5-6

In the midst of the stress, uncertainty, and worry that swirls around me, I realize how it could all easily take a hold of me. I am slowly learning to let God take all that I have, and all that I am, and mold me. What ever I am made to do I am ready to do for the glory of God.

As Psalm 23 says, I am in want of nothing. Really, I don't need anything because Jesus is in my heart, and He has given me all that I need. I have nothing to worry about. Nothing to fear.

"The Lord is my chosen portion" means that we all have the choice to believe in God and let Him into our hearts. We are not forced to love Him. God gives us the free will and with that we could reject Him. He knows that if the loved were forced it wouldn't be real. That means that love freely given is the most precious. C.S. Lewis explains it best:

God has made it a rule for Himself that He won't alter people's character by force. He can and will alter then, but only if the people will let Him. In that way, He has really and truly limited His power. Sometimes we wonder why He has done so, or even wish that He hadn't. But apparently He thinks it worth doing. He would rather have a world of free beings, with all its risks, than a world of people who did right like machines because they couldn't do anything else. - C.S. Lewis

Cuppa

Steam streams above the cup
And the scent of tea rises
Orange bergamot to my nose
A dash of sweetness added
with a vanilla smooth
Comforting my afternoon
making me think English thoughts

When I feel under the weather, as I have been over the last week, a cup of tea is pretty much the only soothing drink I crave. Earl Grey with honey is the best. So this is what I have been indulging in this week as I have been snifffffling and sneeeezing. Carrying a handkerchief around with me in my bag has become essential.

Gladly, the sniffles are leaving and I may be able to resume my short runs when I get home from work. You don't appreciate certain things until they are gone for while. Like being able to breath normally. I am finding myself cultivating a deeper appreciation for the little things in life. Every day has gifts, and I am trying to notice them, really look at them, and let them sink in. The rushed, frenzied outlook is leaving me and it is being replaced by an observant, thoughtful creature who wants to see God in every aspect of the day.

Now I am just babbling, and letting my words spill out like a fountain. Sorry if I got you wet with my musings....But I may be onto something. Something worth a second thought. Or a third.

Early Winter Chill

Oxford, England

And often when the brown leaves
Were brittle on the ground,
And the wind in the chimney
Made a melancholy sound.

-Edna St. Vincent Millay

I have been a bit under the weather since last weekend. Going out of town to Savannah I think caused some sort of lingering cold to catch up with me. Savannah didn't give me the cold. It was cold there, which made me giddy with excitement. Jen and I took a walk with baby Liliana and we had to bundle up with hats and scarves! We had fun.

The chilly air (gladly) has been in Florida too, not cold, but nothing I will complain about. My little cold isn't from the chilly weather. It can't be. The chilly air and I get along famously. There's no chill between us (pun intended).

I have been distracted lately. Busy. My challenge is to focus on God and prayer, and to keep that as my centre. It is hard, but this week it can be done. It can be done anytime if I choose to make it happen. It's all about setting priorities. Training my mind in obedience. The more I focus on the God, the more I focus. The less I focus on God, the less and less I focus. It's a slippery slope if I lack and a good habit formed when I focus.

(In) Efficient Thoughts

On this day after Thanksgiving, I have a treat for you that doesn't include turkey, dressing, or pumpkin pie. It's more reading material for your viewing pleasure! So, as you digest your food from yesterday, chew on these new articles from Catapult Magazine, including a new article I wrote called "Call Me Old Fashioned".

Click here to go to my article
Click here for Catapult's homepage

Happy Friday! Hope you are all spending time offering thanks to God for the gifts that we have in life.

Thanks (I am) Giving

Just a tiny list of thanks for today:
Giant leaves
Autumn
Cool days
Time with close friends
Chilled nights
Chai
Family
Glittering stars
Warm scents baking
Homemade Wassail
Scarves
Games with family
Long walks
Crocheted lap blanket
Travel
Cozy socks
Reading outside
Sweaters
Scent of brewing coffee
Watching the clouds drift in the breeze
Cinnamon
Friends
The longest table full of friends at Thanksgiving
Boots
Deep talks
Laughing
Spreading cheer
Taking photographs
Yard sales
Homemade soup
God's gift of love
What is on your list today?
HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. -Colossians 3.15

Practise and Fail

In that sense there are no practising Christians, but only Christians who, in varying degrees, try to practise it and fail in varying degrees and then start again.
-C.S. Lewis

Soundtrack for this post: Bebo Norman, Collide. From his new album, this song is my favorite (especially this acoustic version)
Listen here

Do you ever feel like you have failed with anything? It hits me every now and then, which I know is only going to bring me down if I focus on it, but I can't help but feel it sometimes. Missed opportunities come to mind, periods of complacency, days lacking in prayers, not loving others like I should, etc... Efforts to pray more always start well, then wane. My prayers should be more focused and frequent. Every day should be full of prayers all day long. Pray without ceasing, right? I do well one day, but then the next day the distractions or frustrations get to me and make me forget about praying. Of course I am leaning on circumstances as excuses for my own forgetfulness and self-sufficiency. 

So I try again. This new book I got (full of Lewis' essays called God in the Dock) is quickly becoming full of ink marks, underlines, and paragraph highlights. This line from C.S. Lewis was the news I needed to read, knowing that each moment we can start afresh, because I am going to fail. I feel like I need a sign in front of me all day that simply says "Pray" so I will make sure my focus is in the right place.

What a sorry excuse it is to forget to pray. Do we forget to eat? Or sleep? Why then do we forget to communicate with our Creator? It's about putting our focus on Him instead of ourselves. For the next week, I will be focusing on this. Maybe the week after that too. I will practise, and if I fail, start again.

Walks

A slight aching in the legs as we climb into bed after a good day's walking is, in fact, pleasurable.
-C.S. Lewis

C.S. Lewis loved his daily walks. When he lived in Oxford, there were ample opportunities, his favorite being Addison's Walk, which is a one mile circuit passing by his home of Magdalen College. Oxford is such a walkable city, and each time I have been there several miles were walked each day, all resulting in some tired legs and feet. But it is a good thing, for Oxford charmed me from the first encounter, and I will gladly go back and spend time walking all those historic streets again. Tired feet and all.

The photo above is taken from just outside the side gate of Magdalen College. This is Addison's Walk, which is a nature trail. The building in the photo is where Lewis' rooms were. He would meet there with friends to talk about their writings, or at the Eagle and Child Pub.

I love going for walks, especially when the weather is cool and you have a good companion with you. There is something energizing about getting fresh air and getting out of your own little zone to the rustling of trees and the sound of your feet crunching on leaves or gravel. This is the time of year when walks outside are highly appealing.

In Pride and Prejudice there is a line spoken by Caroline Bingley (I believe) about how refreshing it is to get up and walk around after sitting in one attitude for so long. And it's true!

Here Comes the Sun

After the rain when clouds begin to depart

I think of you because a song is about to start

Fresh from rain the sun's rays dance for fun

Meanwhile I hum the tune "Here comes the sun"

It's not the rain that reminds me of you

It's when clouds push away and the sun's debut

Shines brighter than your memory recalls

As life's persistent rain continuously falls

The visual reminder that darkness won't last

And life is full of blessings that move by fast

So in the midst of a dismal day

Look up and think this rain will soon go away

This poem is for my Mom. When I was little she would always hum The Beatles song "Here Comes the Sun", especially after a rain or if a cloudy day was clearing up. Sometimes, even now, I find myself humming the tune when the rain departs. When I was home last weekend to help with the yard sale, Mom pulled these old photos out from her closet. The photo on the left is me. The photo on the right is my Mom. And we all laughed at how we looked so similar at that age.

Be A Light

Wishful hoping for good things to come
Longing for the promises of God in sum
All together we are here, in this time
Why would we harm others as if it were fine?
When we're called to love, we tend to flee
Our selfish nature lacks compassion, we can see
But at this moment, we can change our mind
And be a light for God that others will find

For many many years my favourite verses have been Matthew 5.14-16. "You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven."

These verses have always said to me that I am supposed to be a light in this dark world, in my actions, deeds, and words so that others will see and give glory to God. In just a few sentences I am reminded to be a light, which means do not give into the darkness in this world, and take no credit or glory for myself. Everything is for the glory of God. All goodness and light is His. None of it is possible apart from Him. 

Hot Drinks and Red Cups

This is the season for hot drinks. Nothing is better than to come into a coffee shop or your home and have the scent of brewed coffee greeting you from the chill. In the summer I just do not crave hot drinks because it is so hot outside. Though, I still make tea and coffee because I prefer them hot (and I cannot resist them). Don't you? Or do you like iced tea and iced coffee?

As a side note: For all of you who go crazy for the pumpkin spice latte, I urge you to veer from the norm and try the gingerbread latte. I must say, I think it is better than the pumpkin spice.
Venture out there, next time you order a coffee at Starbucks, you won't regret it.

The red cups are back for the holidays, if you haven't noticed, and when I see one I am automatically transported, in my mind, to a place of snow and icicles. Somehow a little red cup can do that. A place where a cup of coffee in your hands warms them as you stroll down the sidewalk looking at store windows adorned with twinkling lights and holiday decor. Where you can see your breath as you walk outside and a scarf is wrapped around your neck. Only in my dreams is there some snow, since it's been nine years since I have been in snow. That is too long! I didn't think about how long it's been until I sat down to write this. Oh my. I must do something about that pronto. 

Tech- No

Tech- no or Tech-yes?
We are riding a wave of continuous technology advances and integration for communication. Does this cause us to keep in touch better with people, or lose touch in a meaningful way?

I would say that both could be true. With the ease of taking digital pictures and uploading them, the quickest way to share those with others is online in some way (blog, email, posting), which can be beneficial to those who want to see the travel pictures or someone's wedding pictures. But it is also impersonal. The hilarious story behind the picture is lost. Even when there are captions, a person telling the story face to face cannot be replaced by digital postings.

I feel "connected" in so many ways, I can't even keep track and then I feel disconnected when I cannot keep up. Do you feel the same? Does it feel like we are being tracked by what we do online? We are. Companies try to get as much information about us as possible. That kind of sounds futuristic 1984- ish doesn't it? To think that all the computer/internet technology has gone from zero to what it is now in my lifetime is astounding. That's a pretty short period. Think about what the next 20 years will bring.

How do you feel about all the technology connections affecting your life? Are you attached to your technology? Do you think it is helping or hindering different relationships?

Coffee Break with C.S. Lewis

A quiet, cool day
has drawn me away
from worries of the world
thrown at me.

I settle at a table
and suddenly am able
to think clearly and write while
sipping on coffee.

It's a coffee break now
I take a step back somehow
with background chatter of the shop
reading C.S. Lewis.

Coldplay is playing from a radio behind the counter as I step into Mitchell's for coffee. It's quiet, because I came after the lunch rush. I buy coffee and some coffee beans to brew at home and sit near the back to read.

While sitting here at the table, I finished reading C.S. Lewis' An Experiment in Criticism, and it provided some interesting literary thoughts to expand my mind. As a true lover of reading, I nodded along with Lewis at many things. One thing he helped me realize was how the non-readers out there do not think like me. I get my daily adventures and stories from books, because I cannot travel all the time and to all these places. Non-readers have to get their adventure from somewhere else, and they don't want it to come from books. In addition, they might think me a little crazy that I love to read so much. We are all different and our differences help bring out interesting life discussions with one another.

These couple quotes were from the end of the book. Perhaps you will agree with Lewis' take on the matter, perhaps not. Either way, we learn something here about why readers love to read so much.

My own eyes are not enough for me, I will see through those of others (page 140)

But in reading great literature I become a thousand men and yet remain myself. Like the night sky in the Greek poem, I see with a myriad eyes, but it is still I who see. (page 141)

Yard Sale

What could be more simple then throwing all your clutter and unwanted "stuff" out into the yard and making a few dollars? Clearing out space and getting rid of things we accumulate so easily feels great. This weekend, the family was all back at the house to help out with such an event.

If you have not done a yard sale because you think it will be too much work, you are mistaken. The hardest part is sorting all the clutter and getting all the items you want for the sale. Then, bring it out to the front yard early in the morning (and by early, I mean by 7 am). Place items on tables, or the ground, and drag out furniture. Don't price anything, but have figures in your mind for any big ticket items.

When people come, they will ask you for a price, and then you can start off with a figure, and barter from there.

Really, the whole point of a yard sale is to get rid of all those things you don't want or need anymore. So, if a customer is trying to knock down your prices several dollars less than what you were hoping, remember that it is better to have a few bucks and that item gone (because you don't want it anyway) than to be stuck with it or to give it away for nothing.

Our yard sale was successful. The weather was chilly and stayed that way all day until we cleaned up at 1:30. While I sat monitoring the sale I had a crocheted shawl covering my legs because it was chilly. We took a bunch of stuff to Goodwill and counted our earnings. We did well for the smaller items we had this time.

I was glad to help, and we had fun. The people you meet and talk to is really entertaining. You never know what interesting people and conversations you will have. 

Keeping warm by stealing a crochet shawl from the clothes table. I decided that it was too pretty to sell.

We sold LOTS of this stuff, including the annoying parrot (oh there's a story behind that one)! P.S. The white BMW is for sale.

Oxford Student

I am most excited to say that I am a University of Oxford student! I enrolled in an online literature class that starts in January, on the Brontës. The class will focus on the Brontë sisters, Emily, Anne, and Charlotte, and a little bit on their brother Branwell and their father, who all had published writings. They were a talented family. Living in Northern England, though, the sisters lived lives close to home and did not travel much (Belgium was the only country they traveled to). So, how did they come to write some of the most beautiful, interesting, and well-known stories? That is a little bit of what we will talk about in this class. Who hasn't heard of Jane Eyre or Wuthering Heights? Even if you haven't read the books, you have surely heard the titles.

Did I mention how thoroughly excited I am?
If I cannot be at Oxford for the time being, then I will have a piece of Oxford in my apartment, and I can see this photo, and walk the streets by the Bodleian Library again in my mind, just keeping it fresh until I go over there again.
To study literature, especially English Literature, is one of my greatest joys. (I know I am a nerd, trust me.) To better myself as a reader, a writer, and analyzer of text is something I seek because of the passion I have for literature. To challenge myself and stretch my skills is the best way to grow, and I intend to grow much further.

I cannot wait for class to begin!

This Day

My legs wrapped in a blanket
Coffee right by my side
On a chilly day with the sun
Having no place to hide

I hear birds chirp as they fly
I smell coffee with cream
The air is still, the world is silent
As if I'd stumbled into a dream

Flannel shirt and jeans today
Making soup at noon
This is the day the Lord has made
Each moment the fairest bloom

I finished my crochet project of this lap blanket! It was a test to see if I was able to handle the chevron pattern, and I am glad to say it turned out very nice. I love how the chevron zig-zag looks in the blanket. So, it is now the perfect accompaniment to a chilly day (or night) as I read on the sofa. I have been drinking coffee and tea and making lots of soup as I am glad to say the chilly air has reached Florida again. Okay, by chilly, I mean it's not 80 degrees. I will gladly take 70 degrees as a high temperature!
This week, I am focusing on cherishing each moment of the day. Taking a conscious look at the good, and living in that moment. Once it passes, it's history. This day is a gift. Cherish it.

That Hideous Strength

"And this," said Ransom, ignoring the question, "is why we have no way left at all save the one I told you. The Hideous Strength holds all this Earth in its fist to squeeze as it wishes. But for their one mistake, there would be no hope left."
-That Hideous Strength, C.S. Lewis

I am engrossed in this book. As I read on it gets more and more intriguing and eerie. This is the third and last in the series by C.S. Lewis. It is called the space trilogy, but I find it to be more about the spiritual forces of evil that are present everywhere than about space. I think part of the reason I had never read these books before now was because I thought it was going to be "sci-fi" but to me, it is not.

It is very intelligent and complex, that is for sure. Sometimes I feel like it is over my head, since C.S. Lewis had one of the greatest minds in the 20th century, it is no shock that I may not understand everything.

The story is about how evil can easily start out appearing as something good, and as it grows there is little to stop it from crossing all lines of what we know as civilized society. It takes place post- World War II in a small England town. A group of intelligent professors/scientists begin this organization called N.I.C.E., the National Institute of Co-ordinated Experiments. They begin in the community as a sort of experimental facility, but the evil that is being conducted there is largely unknown by outsiders until it is too late. By then they have spread their influences through the whole community, forming their own "police" and conducting grotesque experiments with humans and animals. But what the power of evil draws into themselves to conquer the good is actually used against them in ways they did not foresee.

I am getting close to finishing it, and I must say I have enjoyed this series much more than I thought I would. I was afraid it would be to sci-fi, but my fears were mistaken. The way that C.S. Lewis stabs the issue in the heart literally makes me sit back and muse over some passages I will read. This is how he writes his essays and other books, which is why I will read and re-read his writings. How well he understood the good and bad of man's heart and how even in the most dark of circumstances there is reason to hope and there is good to fight for.

Politics

I am not much of a political debater nor do I pay attention to the ads and hype about the election because they are full of skewed views. But voting is an important part of our country. The way each campaign brings out all the past decisions and events of the candidates is fruitless. They easily lose focus on what matters and only want to make the other person look bad. The power struggle is played like a game, and the media and ads get everyone so swept up in the moot points from the past that are only remotely important, at best.

I read the following quote last week and it just spoke of something so forgotten, even by Christians. So, I wanted to share it, in light of election day. I voted via absentee ballot, so my vote is in. Be sure to vote today!

Politics offers powerful temptations to twist the truth and to distort the views of opponents and smear their character. Whenever that happens, it belittles and undermines political life. But when Christian activists do it, the name of Christ and the reputation of the Christian faith suffer great damage. Christians must be ready to lose politically rather than engage in dishonesty or corruption. Christians in politics should have the universal reputation of being the people whose word and action can always be trusted.

-Ronald J. Sider, Just Politics

Dreame

When thou knew'st what I dreamt, when thou knew'st when
Excesse of joy would wake me, and cam'st then,
I must confesse, it could not chuse but bee
Prophane, to thinke thee anything but thee.

-"The Dreame", John Donne

I have been waking up from some strange dreams lately. Every once in a while that happens. I will have such a vivid dream, one that I wake up from so it feels real, and it takes all morning to shake it. I tend to have dreams in categories like genres of movies. They are usually action/adventure, but in my dreams I am brave and do not fear whatever danger is lurking. I run a lot in my dreams, and I never seem to get tired. Are these dreams perhaps an exaggerated version of how I feel sometimes in my life?

I don't feel as brave in real life as I am in my dreams. I have dreams where I am chasing (or being chased by) bad guys who want to do me harm. I have dreams that are like puzzles, where I am lost in a tall building and every turn I take brings me to more turns and similar looking halls, but no way out. And the worst dream of all, where I was at the airport about to fly to London, and I got to the counter realizing that I forgot my passport at home. That is what I call a nightmare.

I just don't know what to make of dreams. Sometimes I will have a good, happy dream and I will wish that to happen in real life. But usually they are about bad guys trying to get me. Perhaps this is part of the spiritual forces of evil that can creep in anywhere to feed fear into me by whatever means. We are all exposed to the evil forces all the time, so why would we be perfectly safe in our dreams?

Paul writes to the Ephesians about wearing an armor of God at all times, so that we can stand up against those schemes of the devil because we are in a spiritual battle. He writes:

For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, stand firm. (Ephesians 6. 12-13)

Fill Me Up

Lord, I need You to fill me so there is less of me and more of You inside me.
I am guilty. Guilty of not loving others as Jesus does.
On my own, I lack wisdom, courage, and I am afraid of many things.
But in You, I am in want of nothing. I lack nothing and anything is possible. I trust You and Your ways. 

Fill me up with Your love so that it can overflow onto others. Open my eyes, mind, and heart to them. Use me, with the talents you chose to give me.

Help me show Your love to others in the smallest ways, like a root waking to form a bud that will grow into beauty, as John Donne wrote in the late 1500s:

Gentle love deeds, as blossomes on a bough,
From love awakened root do bud out now.